Tuesday, November 9, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Cheer Up, Andrew VanBroGardyn

Posted: 09 Nov 2010 06:00 PM PST

Photo via Brooklyn Vegan by Tim Griffin


Cheer up, Andrew VanWyngarden!
#itgetsbetter, I promise
I know ur still bummed about Congratulations
but it doesn't mean u have to get all mopey

U look cold and distant
U look dead on the inside
like u r 'totally over' the indie scene
like u don't care what the blogosphere thinks abt u
but maybe u do
maybe u don't
only the Indie God knows

Listen, maybe I was hard on u
Maybe the album isn't even that bad
maybe I finally 'get it'
maybe u were right
maybe it will be the album of the year
maybe

let's try to think about some positives to cheer u up
Remember ur album art? That was a pretty cool meme...

U have a major label record deal
U can make another album and u have our attention
That's not a bad thing

A lot of ppl will be waiting for u to fail
so maybe if u exceed their limited expectations
U will be perceived as a 'huge success'
'rebounding from a disaster'
'getting ur swag back'

Cheer up bro.
Ur depressing me, for real.

U don't have 2 play "KIDS" any more, okay?
We get it
u h8 that song
but don't just 'half ass it' on stage in a resentful way.
kinda harsh

Maybe u can 'rearrange' the song
make it all depressing + boring + unapproachable or something
I know it is difficult to write a perfect song
similar to the Eagle's "Hotel California"

Just want u 2 cheer up
Life's not too bad.
Don't give up
#it_gets_better



Loosen up, bro
Unbutton that top button
and just learn to <3 life again
learn to <3 the power of buzz

Some people would give anything 2 be where u r right now
Cheer up broski.
#itgtsbttr
Cheer up, Andy VanBroGarden!

Can MGMT 'revive' their careers?
Is Andrew VanWynGarden depressed?
Do u think MGMT is 'happy' or 'sad' on the inside?
Do u think KIDS.mp3 is the best indie song of all time?
What is next for MGMT?
Is Andy VanWyny a total QT?
Do u have any advice for depressed members of buzzbands?
Are depressed ppl in buzzbands 'effing spoiled'?
Would u ever be depressed if u were in an authentic/well-monetized buzzband?

One of the altbaguettes in the Dirty Projectors holds unidentified sex toy on stage

Posted: 09 Nov 2010 03:43 PM PST

photos by Tim Griffin
Link: http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2010/11/fun_fun_fun_fes_13.html

Pictured: A dirty Projie girl jimmy jangles a tambourine on stage.

Oh Dirty Projectors...
I don't know much abt u,
and ur music goes ovr my head
but ppl keep telling me is brilliant.

All I know is that u have 3 altbaguettes in ur band
Used wikipedia 2 find ur names
Amber Coffman
Angel Deradoorian
Haley Dekle

I think HALEY is pictured above
and it seems like she was holding some sort of 'progressive sex toy'

Maybe it is a percussion instrument
maybe it is a brush / comb
I don't really know
but I do know the power of the altbaguette
and 'loading ur band' with 3 altbaguettes is a killer move
by that 1 dude in the band

This is ''Amber Coffman'

She's chill, but might just stick on #Team_Haley
but u know the old saying
'U can never say no 2 a Grade-A altbaguette'

Oh dirty projjies
screaming on stage in harmony
turns me on like crazy
the sweet sounds of ur voices
thinking abt moving to Brooklyn
and being in a meaningful relationship with u

Don't care what ur into
sex toys
abstinence
progressive astrology
mainstream religion
going back 2 school to get ur master's/doctorate

I want 2 be with u
and I can ride the sex toy wave
if ur in2 that

Really dig that the DirtProj bro added 3 altbaguettes 2 his band

Do yall <3 the dirty projjies?
Do u think they need to re-release Bitte Orca with Haley on the cover?

Who is the hottest/keutest/alt-est Dirty Proj?

What would yall do with for 1 hour with a conceptual sex toy + a Dirty Proj altbaguette?

What kind of sex toy/instrument is she using?

Jared Leto wins a fake award, accidentally thinks it is real, gives pretentious acceptance speech

Posted: 09 Nov 2010 11:57 AM PST


First of all, I'd like to introduce myself to those of you who don't know who I am. My name is Jared Leto, and I am the lead singer of the popular band 30 Seconds To Mars. If you haven't heard of our band, you have probably been living in a metaphorical Chilean mine. Our band is possibly the best band around right now, mixing the best elements of arena rock, pop, and indie alt music, bringing positive, inpirational messages to humans all around the world.

Before I formally accept this award, I would like you all to watch my music video, in order to truly understand our brand. It is a music video that I helped to direct for our hit song "Closer to the Edge." Please dim the lights, and enjoy. I have provided you with large headphones so that u can appreciate our full sound.


In this video, you can see how our band has a global brand with a universal message, resonating with ppl no matter their age, social class, race, or level of altness. I understand that as Jared Leto, it is my duty to bring a heightened level of social, metaphysical, and spiritual awareness to all humans.

I am an artist. I am more than an artist. I am Jared Letbro.

Thank you for this award. I am not sure if it is an Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, a Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award, or a Pitchfork 10.0 trophy, but I am appreciative. This is certainly not the first award we have won, and certainly not our last, but we appreciate your Awards Show's willingness to merge your brand with us. Even though we are easily the #1 band in the world right now, and a top-10 all time band, we are happy that you recognize our brilliance.

The truth is, I am the only really important member of this band, however, I let these two other dudes come along just because they wear the alt costumes that I tell them to wear. They are okay dudes (one of them is my brother so my mom made me let him into our band), but I do all of the creative heavy lifting for the band. They are willing to acknowledge that I am 'the special 1' in this band, and they are just along for the ride. I want to make it clear that this is not a team effort, and I am the only person accepting this award.

I'd like to thank our fans.
I would thank God, but I believe that I am the living Saviour of Humanity, and that 1 day every1 who isn't a fan of my band will be wiped off this Earth [via rapture].

It is truly an honor, not to me, but 2 ur award, for getting to be with me. I have a trophy room in my house, and this will be placed in it, right next to my 'Best Supporting Actor' Oscar from Fight Club. The trophy room is right next to my walk-in closet, which houses some of the most alternative fashions in the world.

I'm not going to lie--being Jared Leto is awesome, and I am happy to be me, and that is probably the greatest award that any1 can give u in life. However, ur award is nice, and once again, I would like to repeat that I am awesome, an artist, hot, bangable, and the greatest musician alive.

Thanks, and the awards show is now over, because this moment cannot be topped, and no other band is as important as my band. Good night every one. Hit me up @JaredLeto.

thanks,
Jared Letbro

Ariel Pink wears zany female blouse on stage

Posted: 09 Nov 2010 09:05 AM PST

Photos by Tim Griffin via Brooklyn Vegan
http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2010/11/fun_fun_fun_fes_12.html


Oh Ariel
I'll nvr forget that time u wore a cute man purse on stage [link]
It seems like u r evolving into an indie fashion icon
with ur bloggable looks
It seems like a 'rich and famous designer' will soon be inspired
by ur brand and ur music
and make u wear the exact same clothes that ur wearing right now
except they will be 'expensive'
and they might doll u up in makeup.

U look keut, Ariel
want to know more abt ur inspiration
What inspired u to ride the floral print wave?
Do u believe that couch fabric is the future of fashion?

Sorta just wish I had a chill AZN bro to chill with
crush some bass lines 4 me

Oh Ariel
U crushed it
emotionally singing in2 the crotch of the saxophone bro
wish I knew how to play sax
so I could hear ur voice resonate in my peenal region

Is Ariel Pink a 'fashion icon'?
Is Ariel Pink's 'live show' a 'must-see-festival act'?
Will Ariel Pink place in the Top 5 in the Album of the Year race?
Do yall <3 ur h8 Ariel Pink?

Urban Outfitters rebrands with an ugly new logo

Posted: 09 Nov 2010 08:22 AM PST

Link: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-new-urban-outfitters-logo


It seems like in 2k10, every company is trying to rebrand, creating a new logo that makes their brand seem modern/bad ass/etc. I remember when GAP made a new logo, but then ppl on the internet were like 'that is ugly + stupid, yall', and then they changed it [link].

Urban Outfitters decided to create a new logo. I don't even know if they have an official logo. Maybe this is just a crappy logo that they put up on their website to drive traffic after the new GAP logo got so much internet buzz. Probably just trying to design something way dumber, see if it is a good marketing gimmick.

Does Urby Outtie have an official logo? Do they have a 'flexible logo' that represents constant evolution + 'now-ness'? Do logos grow old and die? Should Coca Cola rebrand [via cursive]?

Do u think they used Microsoft Word Art to design their logo? Is the Adobe Creative Suite 'overrated'?

Do u believe in the power of graphic design?
Is Urban Outfitters a legit store, or the ultimate entry level over-priced thrift store?
Why do u think Urby Outfitters is doing well, but Am Appy is 'swirling down the shitter'?
Do u think re-branding helps brands sell more goods?
Does this logo 'crush it'?
R u gonna start using Microsoft Word / Word Art 2 do most of ur designing?
What is 'the new aesthetic' now that the Helvetican look is 'dead'?
Is the new Myspace logo the #1 re-brand of 2k10? [link]

NSFW: Michael Cera's GF accidentally releases tittie pix

Posted: 08 Nov 2010 07:46 PM PST

Link: http://theblemish.com/2010/11/kat-dennings-has-leaked-nude-photos/


I had no idea who Kat Dennings is, but then I googled her after stumbling upon nude pix of her, then went ahead and did some research. It turns out she played a hornie daughter in "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and then was in some movie with Michael Cera abt making a mix CD for a girl/fighting all of her ex boyfriends/getting her pregnant and giving away her baby. Totally confused by his movies, so we'll just go ahead and say she is 'that girl from JUNO.'

Anyways, it seems like the Juno Broad has 'huge breastes' because she sexted them to some1.

'Sweet Jesus those are some huge breastes.' Wonder if they are perfect/alternative.

At least she mixed in some 'eff all the haters' poses into her sexts, just in case they were leaked 2 hornie bros on the internet.

Sorta suggestive.

Do yall like 'huge breasteses' or 'tiny perky breasts'? Or 'somewhere in the middle'?

Oh Juno... When will she evr learn?

Do yall <3 the Juno Girl?
Do u think Mikey Cera 'sucked on those titties'?
Do u think her breasts are 'too big' 2 be alt?

Who is Mikey Cera's ideal woman?
What is the perfect alt body type?
Do yall <3 '100% naturals'?
Do yall ride the saucer plate areola wave?

Sad lil clown drinks a brewskie, thinks abt life.

Posted: 08 Nov 2010 06:42 PM PST

photos by Tim Griffin via Brooklyn Vegan


I'm the lil clown bro
I'm sad
even though I'm a clown
I'm not happy

Know this is making u laugh
U think I'm funny
not just because of my clown costume
face paint
my small 'little person' stature

Maybe in a way, we're all clowns
We're all fools
we all make some1 laugh
4 all the wrong reasons

U think I'm funnie?
Funnie how?
Like my life is a joke?
Everything I believe in is stupid?
I am just selling out 4 money
Making an ass out of myself every goddamned day?

Life is tough
and u think ur better than me
go ahead and effing laugh
I'm just gonna drink this Ice Cold Tecate Tall Boy

Stop laughing @me
Life's not a joke
I'm a real person
I'm not just an effing lil clown
I'm just trying to make a living
making ppl laugh
sorrie if I accidentally bummed u out
Wish I could make u laugh for all the right reasons..

I'm the lil sad clown bro

Maybe there's a lil bit of sad clown inside of all of us.

Maybe life will nvr get better.
Maybe it won't.
I don't effing know.
Just trying to make a living
make my parents proud
make ~$40k/year and have a highly relevant job
just like u, me, and every1 we know

Goodnite moon.
I did my best.
Love always,
#sad_lil_clown_bro

Sad on the inside

dead on the inside

SLUTWAVE FASHION RECAP [via some bullshit MTV Awards Show]

Posted: 08 Nov 2010 05:11 PM PST

Link: http://www.mtv.com/photos/ema-2010-show-highlights/1651543/5399832/photo.jhtml


There was apparently some sort of MTV European Music awards where Euro ppl got to celebrate American artists for being bad ass, except they probs think that slutwavers/crappy alt rock bands are our best exports. I think they are really into the slutwave genre in Europe, mainly because the Spice Girls were the original slutwavers, so they are probably trying to find a new human/group to vibe out 2. Wonder if all of the slutwavers should merge and form a supergroup and throw down slutwave memes on the reg.

Just thought I'd vibe out to some slutwave fashion [via 'recap']

Seems like Katy Perry wore some sort of 'ticket' dress, like u can 'have ur way with her' as long as 'the price is right' [via 'get in line, yall']

Shakira rode some slutwaves, wore a jungle outfit or something ethnic.

Miley Cyrus seems to have 'gone conservative' and covering up her lil slutwave brand with a long ass dress. Maybe she thought that is how ppl in Europe dress.

But then she performed live and 'crushed it', staying true to her roots [via camel toe]

Here is Ke$ha dressed like a poor person trying to be zany/fashionable [via wearing Jordache jeans]

Then she got in 'glow in the dark paint' to sorta simulate the sex tape vibes [via glow in the dark cum on skin]

Seems like 'being a piece of meat' is the ultimate slutwave costume/outfit/personal brand.

Remember that time that broad from Paramore tweeted 'tit pix'?

'hey look it is lady gaga via skype'

Katy Perry wears some jumpsuit 2 be more like Larry Gaga. Not enough breast/cameltoe/etc. feel like 'too much fabric' on ur body means that men can't get turned on by thinking abt feeling ur soft skin.

Miss u Chris Brown. Wonder if he was chill or unchill.

So many slutwavers
not enough fabric
2 cover up
personal brands trying 2 convince us
2 find them sexie
like objects that u can cum with/on

sigh...
the slutwave
<3 u
h8 u
respect u
resent u
want u

Who is ur fave slutwaver?
Do u think they 'slacked' with their costumes?
Do u think they wear 'costumes' or 'fashion'?
Should the form a super group [via the Spice Girls model]?