NME is some British music magazine/widely regarded as 'the British Pitchfork meets Nylon meets Rolling Stone meets blogspot.' Not sure if they really have 'fans' or 'readership' or if they are a big deal or what, but whatever. They are just an internet site like every1 else trying to get 'mad hits' and make mad advertising bank, so they did this thing where they made a 'list' of 75 'cool ppl' that 'u should know abt' because they are 'buzzworthy' and they put it in a photogallery 2 get mad pageviews, and now every1 on this list can tweet abt it like they 'made it.'
Honestly haven't heard of most of these ppl. Doesn't seem very 'kewl' to me, except people from Britain don't really know what is 'kewl.' They sorta just have a bunch of weirdo bands that they like, then start to like American buzz cycle products in 8-24 months.
Here is the list + analysis: 75 Rivers Cuomo (Weezer) -Cmon yall. 4 serious? Is this 1994? Jesus Christ 74 Lewis Bowman (Chapel Club) Never heard of this person. Sounds like a preacher 73 Caitlin Rose - sounds like a girl who sad behind u in Algebra class who got preggers by senior year 72 James Blake - from what I understand this is a professional tennis player 71 Bradford Cox (Deerhunter) - weak. They must h8 Americans 70 Soulja Boy - Is 'Crank Dat' still relevant? 69 Matt Bellamy (Muse) - Is Muse the new Coldplay? Do ppl 'actually like' Muse? 68 Nathan Williams (Wavves) - Did smoking too much dank hurt his status? 67 Avi Zahner-Isenberg (Avi Buffalo) - Wonder if he changed his name because it sounded 'too Jewish.' 66 Cher Lloyd from X Factor - No idea what this means/who this is. 65 Elizabeth Sankey (Summer Camp) - Sounds like a Christian summer camp counselor who caught u fingerbanging a girl by the lake by midnight, then had to call ur parents to let them know that u lost ur fingerbanging virginity 64 Tom Hudson (Pulled Apart By Horses) - Wonder if this bro was pulled apart by some horses 63 Ernest Greene (Washed Out) - Ultimate shaft. Ernest Bro shoulda been top 10, riding chillwaves. UKbros aren't chill though 62 Glasser - Is this a human or a band? 61 Ryan Olson (Gayngs) - Heard they had their shit stolen or something 60 Eva Spence (Rolo Tomassi) - so lost. Who the eff is this? 59 Cee Lo Green - cmon. jesus. gnarls bark. Jesus 58 Jack White - boooring. When did the White Stripes first get famous? 57 Daniel Blumberg (Yuck) - Yuck! another nobody. Ewww! 56 Gucci Mane - Think he is 'already free' and irrelevant now 55 Rose Elinor Dougall - no idea. Hope I see a pic of her naked 1 day 54 Julian Casablancas - that's kewl I guess. Was his solo project from 2k10 or 2k9? 53 LoneLady - Sounds like some lady living alone in her dead parents' house with a bunch of cats 52 Tim Harrington (Les Savy Fav) - is this the fat dude who always takes his shirt off? 51 Josh Homme - Sounds like another dude who plays guitar and has a 'great voice' 50 Lady Gaga - So kewl yall. Riding slutwaves. Is 'Poker Face' still relevant? 49 Katy B - Katy Perry? Confused 48 Plan B - Hopefully this is referring the 'abortion pill' 47 Alexis Krauss (Sleigh Bells) - Does n e 1 know if this band is any good, or just the product of the 2k10 buzz drought? 46 Dave Sitek (TV On The Radio) - Is this band / human still relevant 45 Jack Donoghue (Salem) #TeamSalem , #TeamRapeGaze 44 Andrew VanWyngarden (MGMT) - totes a QT! Yay [via Congratulations album flop] 43 Honor Titus (Cerebal Ballzy) - Wonder if this bro has cerebral palsy 42 Nicki Minaj - Some rapper broad 41 Ethan Kath (Crystal Castles) - Shoulda been Alice. H8 Ethan 4 being married 2 Alice 40 Ariel Pink - Ariel seems chill. 39 Orlando Weeks (The Maccabees) - do they mean Orlando Bloom? 38 Lee Spielman (Trash Talk) -nvr heard of them 37 Alex Hewlett (Egyptian Hip Hop) - is there hiphop in Egypt? 36 Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance) - is mychemrom 'alt'? 35 Win Butler (Arcade Fire) - shoulda been higher. Wonder if they have suburbs in the UK 34 MNDR - heard this band is terrible 33 Willow Smith - heard Will Smith's unejaculated semen is a buzzband 32 Dan Devine (Flats) - no idea 31 Akiko Matsuura (The Big Pink/Comanechi) - who the eff is this? 30 Nicky Wire (Manic Street Preachers) -wtf? Sounds like a homeless person's nickname 29 Skream - Do they mean the hit movie series "Scream"? 28 Jamie Reynolds (Klaxons) - Think this is a blog house band 27 Jenny Lee Lindberg (Warpaint) - Is Warpaint blogworthy? Heard they have 4 altbaguettes in their band 26 Giggs - running out of things 2 say. Post is beginning to suffer 35 Jonathan Everything - Sounds more like 'Jonathan Nothing' [via who the eff is this] 34 Marina Diamandis (Marina & The Diamonds) - That's kewl that she changed her name to sound more like her band's name 23 Dee Dee (Dum Dum Girls) - Not sure if that is a real name 4 a human 22 Jack Steadman (Bombay Bicycle Club) - who the eff is this? 21 Jay-Z - S0 boring for a buzzworthy list. Might as well pick LadyGaga/Rivers Cuomo/Kanye West 20 Ritzy Bryan (The Joy Formidable) - Shoulda put Ritz crackers on this list. Those are chill. 19 Kele Okereke - thought his solo project flopped 18 Theo Hutchcraft (Hurts) - Some nobody. 17 James Murphy (LCD Soundsystem) - Was his 2k10 album even 'successful'? Will it be remembered at the end of the year? 16 Yannis Philippakis (Foals) - Must not have a strong prsnl brand cuz I dont know who the eff it is 15 Robyn - didn't she have a hit song in the 90s? Why are there so many Robyn apologists in the blogosphere? 14 Zola Jesus - wish the meant 'Jesus Christ the Indie Band' 13 Hayden Thorpe (Wild Beasts) - Wonder if I should move 2 the forest and live with some beasts in the wild. Make a list of 'cool animals' and blog abt them 12 Simon Neil (Biffy Clyro) - Sam Neil was in Jurassic Park 11 Marcus Mumford (Mumford & Sons) -no idea who this is 10 Darwin Deez - who the eff is this 09 Carl Barat - so many no-names. Hard 2 make it thru this list 08 Jack Barnett (These New Puritans) - generic bro name 07 Jonathan Pierce (The Drums) - Think I heard of this band once 06 Paul Weller - Paul Wall? 05 Romy Madley Croft (The xx) - Baddest bitch in indie. Shoulda been #1. Or are u on #TeamOli? Did Oliver Sim / Jamie XX get 'the shaft'? 04 Beth Cosentino (Best Coast) - She totally shafted WAVVES bro. 03 Kanye West - Do they have black ppl in the UK? 02 Janelle Monae - why do ppl keep trying to hype her? Seems like a failed mnstrm artist 2 me who has to settle 4 'blog buzz' 01 Laura Marling - No idea who this is. Must not be very 'cool.' Sounds like a lifestyle brand for tweens who collect school supplies.
********** Do u think 'list-making' is the ultimate form of online journalism? Are all of these ppl 'way kewl'? Can u let me know who some of these ppl are/if they are buzzworthy? Who got the biggest shaft? Ariel Pink? WAVVES? Washed Out? Does British ppl have better taste in music/culture than American ppl? Do u wish u only read magazines and took stuff like this seriously? Is NME 'authentic' or just a huge pile of poop? Do yall h8 British press? Do British ppl h8 American ppl? Are all magazines/blogs = poop? Should I make a list of 'kewl shit that's kewl that u should download 2 ur blog iPod'? Should I take a picture of every1 of my poops for the next year and blg abt it, then make a list at the end of the year ranking the top 300 poops of the year?
It turns out that Avey Tare's recent album "Down Here" [link] is about how he divorced his wife Kria Brekken. Feel kinda bummed that it happened, but u know the old saying 'buzzbros before unchill wives', so ur sad 4 him on a personal level, but then ur like 'aw shit it's kewl. He's an artist and this will help him to make art. Not gonna pretend like I actually know the dude/care abt him, so just gonna encourage him to keep playing the field and banging AnCo super fan hotties.'
It turns out that there is a new 'movement' within the indie scene to start calling the act of getting divorced = "pulling an Avey Tare." Feel like this is the first Alternative Celebrity Divorce that got 'blog headlines' so he deserves the honor of being known as the indie embodiment of divorce.
The act of a male human separating from his wife; setting events in motion that are intended to lead to an eventual ending of the marriage
Good examples 4 using the new 'Avey Tared' term:
"My parents got Avey Tared, but they said it wasn't my fault."
"My mom is going to Avey Tare my dad because he cheated on her."
"Ever since my parents got Avey Tared, I've had a lot of freedom."
"Sometimes I wonder if the members of Animal Collective will ever Avey Tare from eachother."
"My bro went to law school, and he is an ambulance chaser and Avey Tare specialty lawyer."
"I am Avey Taring my wife, but she wants joint custody of our kids."
"My husband got the car, and I got the house in our Avey Tare."
Do u think 'pulling an Avey Tare' will catch on? Did ur parents get Avey Tared? Which alt celeb couple will be the next to Avey Tare? Is Avey Tare's latest album the 'album of the year'? Did it 'save 2k10' or just bum every1 out? Do u think Avey is sad? Who should he date next? Should he try to date Zooey Deschanel / Alice Glass? Is 'divorce' chill because u get a 'new beginning'? Meet yall via [down there in the_suburbs].
Die Antwoord U were a buzz meme but now ur dead P4k 'h8s yall' 5.5 That's like a 2.0 in 2k3 Yall are effed
Have a bad feeling abt ur first week album sales Not gonna be pretty If ur not 'critically relevant' and u don't 'sell units' Who is ur fan base? Blogs that still try to market u as a 'fresh, zany, kewl meme band'? Not gonna last (those glory days are already over)
Die Antwoord were always a group of musicians of course, but chances are you didn't first hear about them because of their music. More likely, you first encountered them as a viral video, a meme, a performance art collective, a joke that left you searching for the punchline, or some combination of the above. Hell, when we first profiled the group, it was under the headline "Who the Hell Are Die Antwoord?"
Sorry Ninja/Yolandi. Yall are effed probs gonna get dropped by ur major label and get picked up by a decent 'indie' label Ur best bet is honestly to brand urself as an 'amazing live act' and sorta play the hybrid M.I.A. / Weird Al Yankovich scene
Die Antwoord try here and often fail, for some of the same reasons that the concepts themselves are confusing-- they're a jumble sale of mixed-up ideas and items. Ironically, Ninja and Yo-Landi's vast array of skills betray them here, and songs too often feel overstuffed or schizophrenic.
5.5? r u kidding me? Feel like ur lucky to even get this blog post I wipe my ass with 5.5 sheets of toilet paper after an uneventful poop
Still waiting for the album that requires 10.0 squares of toilet paper possibly even a 'baby wipe' to wipe my ass
Is Die Antwoord 'effed'? Does Die Antwoord 'blow'? Is 5.5 like a 1.0 in standardized P4k scores? R u glad Die Antwoord is finally dead, or do u want more Yolandi breasteses coverage? Do u think they have an issue because Ninja looks like a 50 year old dude and isn't really 'kewl' 2 young kids? Do u think authentic black rappers h8 Die Antwoord? Does the failure of the Die Antwoord experiment prove that u can't turn a meme into a relevant band?
Just read some blog post that 'uncovered' that Steve Jobs (CEO of Apple) and Mark Zuckerberg (CEO of Facebook) have recently met in order to have dinner and discuss throwing down some sick collabs. It seems like after the hit movie "The Social Network", every1 is lining up to learn more about the webstartup Facebook.com, because people now see its potential as a place for friends. Many 'tech blog insiders'
Do u think Steve Jobs is trying to 'use' Facebooks to make more ppl use his PING? Do u think that if Apple buys facebook, there will finally be a Facebook app on the iPhone? Do u think Stevie and Mark just bought some escorts and had crazy billionaire sex with them?
Jobs and Facebook founder/CEO Mark Zuckerberg met for dinner the other day. Many presumed that they were discussing Facebook Connect and Ping integration, but what if it were something more, like Apple buying Facebook? Kafka thinks that Apple acquiring Facebook makes sense because Facebook doesn't compete with Apple in any significant way, and Facebook is something that Apple couldn't compete against even if it wanted to. Plus, Facebook is already competing with Google, "which has to make Jobs like it even more," Kafka argues.
I <3 my iPhone and I spend all day talking 2 ppl on Facebook, so I kinda hope this happens. Not really for the advancement of technology/social media, but just for my own personal use. Feel like this means facebook would last 4evr.
What would Apple buying Facebook lead to? Every Facebook user would probably automatically have an iTunes Store account. FaceTime chat could be integrated into Facebook chat, potentially leading to increased sales of iOS devices. If Apple continues down the road of using not only phone numbers, but email addresses and eventually Facebook IDs as designated FaceTime "phone numbers," then 500 million users would already have a FaceTime ID to use when all telephony goes VoIP.
Do u think Apple+FB could be 'more relevant' / important 2 society than Google? If u had billions of dollars, would u just chill 4 the rest of ur life instead of being all greedy and trying to make more money? If this happens, can they make a sequel to the Social Network called "Teaming up with my Apple Bros to Take My Soci Net 2 the Next Lev'?
Should I try to raise $25 billion so I can buy Facebook?
Apple has the cash to buy Facebook outright (Facebook is valued at around US $25-35 billion), but will they?
Do u know how much money Apple makes per iPhone? Is Apple going 2 be around forever, or are iPods just a trend that ppl are going 2 get tired of? Do u have an iPhone or an Android? Can any1 take down Google? Will Facebook + Apple be obsolete in 2-10 years? Should Google acquire Myspace/twitter/4square? Should youtube acquire Pixar? Should Apple acquire Sony?
Zooey Deschanel is the 'frontwoman' of the fake indie band She & Him. She is also an actress. She also married the indie God Benjamin Gibbard just to get more indie cred. She has some vintage froggy voice and is trying to be all retro.
Not sure why they invited her to sing "God Bless America" at some baseball game. Just used wikipedia and said she was born in LA, but "She grew up in Canada, Yugoslavia, England and South Africa." Feel like that makes u not understand why God blessed America, making it the baller ass country it is. Do u think she 'crushed it'? Did she sound 'terrible'? Does she have a 'good voice' or is she just 'smoke-and-mirrorsing' her crappy voice?
Not sure how to feel about Zooey any more. Is she a 'top tier' slutwave songstress? R u worried abt her? Do u remember when she used to have stagefright and she had crazy coke eyes on Letterman? [link] R u proud of her for growing as a performer/vocalist, or should she retire and focus on starting a new indie family with Ben Gibbard?
Do u think the mainstream baseball fans knew who she was, or were they just like "Oh ya! She was in ELF!" Why isn't her hair blonde any more? Do u <3 Zooey Deschanny? Did her version 'kill it'? Do u wish she wore something sexier? Do u think she believes in God, and that He blessed America, or is she just singing this to sell more albums? Do u <3 her voice or h8 it? Is Zooey Deschanel currently the #1 female indie slutwave singer?
Vibing Vibing 2 some rapegaze [link] Really listening to this exciting new genre thinking abt what it makes me feel
Do I feel 'dark'? Am I ready to leave behind the vibes of chillwave? Should I 'rage against the mainstream indie machine' and only vibe out 2 rape gaze mp3s?
Sometimes worried abt the sustainability of rape gaze like women's rights groups will get pissed abt it and mainstream newspapers won't write abt it in their online blogs because it is 'too controversial' in a backlashy way Seems like a complex genre
Really hope it sticks around 4 a while We need it Slutwaves Chillwaves Rapegazes
Thinking abt my sexual desires Wondering if there is something 'deviant' inside of me that makes me vibe hard to rapegaze music like I can watch online pornography on mute and listen to the dark sounds of salem
Should I vibe out to rapegaze, add it to my FB interests become a Salem superfan encourage a bunch of entry level alts to go to their concerts sorta pretend like they are at a Crystal Castles concert I feel like I will never go thru a hardcore drug addiction phase Will never live in a shithole crack den meth lab apartment Do drugs that involve needles have sex in a graveyard communicate with spirits Have my bros crucify me just 4 shits Sell my body for drugs Contract some sort of infection/STD/terminal illness
Just dark ass shit
Feel like I'm always gonna be kinda mnstrm and I won't ever be that dark So maybe listening to rapegaze on my iPhone/Macbook is the only way 4 me to sorta embed myself in that lifestyle
Do u <3 rapegaze? Is there a high demand in the blogosphere 4 rapegaze mp3s? Do u want more rapegaze coverage in the blogosphere? Is Salem the world's worst buzzband?
Is Salem the world's best buzzband? Do u buy in2 rapegaze or is it just an 'effing trend'? Should chillwavers get rapegazey on album #2?
Yolandi is the slutwave songstress in the South African rap group Die Antwoord. Even though their music blows, it still seems worth it to 'cover' them because bros think that Yolandi is sexi and she usually wears slutty lil outfits, so that's chill. Welcome 2 showbiz, Yolanda. Do u feel the pressure 2 be beautiful all the time?
Anyways, just saw this picture of her 'from the side', and it seems like her breasts are 'enormous.' She is such a small lil girl, really thinking she might have 'fake b00bies' just 2 appeal to more ppl. Worried abt her. Hope she doesn't feel the pressure 2 'have huge titties' but still be skinny.
Googled 4 an old picture of her from what looks like a South African ghetto. She seems 'natural', humble. Do yall prefer tig ol bitties or lil tatas? Is Yolandi 'effing hot'? Are u able to easily tell when girls get breast implants? Are breast implants 'effing hot' [via pornographic images]? Will Yolandi's breast implants rupture if she crowd surfs? Is Die Antwoord's music hella boring/disgraceful?
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