Monday, October 11, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Slutwave songstress Miley Cyrus drops new music vid, shows off 2 the world that she has blossomed in2 a woman

Posted: 11 Oct 2010 05:02 PM PDT

Carousel: 
Miley Cyrus Dancing in Panties
Main image: 

It seems difficult to be a tween sensation these days. It's like you want to manage your relationship with tweenage fans, but at the same time, you just see this whole slutwave movement going on. You don't want to be a tween any more. U want to be Lady Gaga artfully making sex thrusts on stage. U want to grow breasts as big as Katy Perry. U want to be a part of something bigger than urself.

Seems chill that Miley Cyrus made this 'beautiful video' where she sings about lusting for men, and wonders "Is it love--or is it art?" Sometimes I wonder the same thing. Are relationships 'real', or are we just 'fucking with some1' like they are a performance art piece or something. Soo confused.

Anyways, Miley looks good in her lil panties. Just dancin around. Good 4 u Miley. Ride that slutwave.
Eff Disney.
All of the money is in slutwave merchandising/touring. It's just so sad how ppl want tween sensations to stay young forever. Ur not allowed to explore ur sexuality. Ur not allowed to go on a date with a boy and sit in the makeout row. Ur now allowed 2 be urself.

Ur not allowed 2 become a woman/man.
Good 4 u Miley.
#it_gets_better_4_hornie_teens

Does this video make u wanna sext with Miley?
Does Miley look good?
R u glad she is 'becoming a woman'?
Is she too young to be showing off her vajaynga and b00blees?
Does this song sound like bloghouse?
Does Miley have a sweet voice?
Is Miley Cyrus officially a member of the slutwave, or has she been on it 4 a while already?

AnCo's Geologist designs shoe, except it is 4 kids and doesn't fit grown ass altbros

Posted: 11 Oct 2010 02:38 PM PDT

Carousel: 
Geologist Shoes
Main image: 
Link: http://www.keepcompany.com/detail.aspx?id=152


From what I understand, some sort of company hired all of Animal Collective to design shoes. First Avey Tare made some shoes [link], then Deakin made some shoes [link].

It seems like 'finally' Geologist 'got off his ass' and made us some shoes that we can wear when our buzzband plays live--however, it turns out normal sized humans can't wear these shoes. Only babies can wear these shoes because Animal Collective is trying to go all 'Kid Robot' and build some sort of 'cool dad lifestyle brand'. Not sure if kids even listen to Animal Collective. Seems unchill for Geo bro to 'shaft' his true fans like this. Sorta wanted to jump on #TeamGeo to be mad alt as Avey+Panda 'tank', but mad pissed he shafted me with these babie shoes. Maybe I will buy them and use them as a place 2 store my dank.

KIDS RAMOS Geologist

Geologist's grey canvas body with custom printed shark pattern accent, illustrated by Abby Portner. Hidden elastic allows for slip-on ease. Vulcanized sole. All profits from this shoe will be donated to the Socorro Island Conservation Fund. Advanced sales come with a bonus cassette featuring previously unreleased music.


Is Panda gonna make some kicks, or does he h8 the rest of Animal Collectives?
Will Panda Bear makes orthopedic shoes for old ppl / authentic alts?
Who has created the best shoes?
Has this shoe put anco 'over the top' in terms of officially becoming a 'cool dad' band?
Should AnCo stop 'fashion designing' and get back 2 making MP3s 2gether?
HAve yall bought any of these shoes?
Is AnCo still 'blogworthy' or is their 15 memes of blog fame 'ovr'?

Pitchfork 'backpedals' on the implementation of the rape gaze genre. Is it 2 late?

Posted: 11 Oct 2010 11:59 AM PDT

Carousel: 
Salem Rape Gaze
Main image: 
Link: http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/14718-king-night/
Link: http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/archives/2010/10/the_horrifyingl.php


Salem is known as the world's worst buzzband after they had some 'effing terrible' performances at SXSW sometime between 1-20 blog years ago [link]. Time moves so fast that it is difficult to remember when exactly memorable event happened, but here is a video of Salem performing live so u can 'recapture the magic' [via crappiness]. Do u vibe out 2 them?

Anyways, they apparently have some new album out, and Pitchfork decided to give them a 7.5. Apparently, the whole gimmick with them is that they are 'brilliant' in the studio, but 'effing blow' in the live setting. Wonder if they just need to adopt a Crystal Castles type of setup and hide behind lights + loud noises. Overall, this is a 'pretty boring meme', but what made it juicy was when Pitchfork dropped the sweet baller ass genre name "rape gaze" into the review. Unfortunately,

Seems like 'rape gaze' has a huge opportunity to become the next chillwave, since it is way more hardcore than the term 'witch house'. Unfortunately, Pitchfork 'retracted' the use of RAPE GAZE in their review, and totes backpedaled, even though the name is hella sweet.

Editor's Note: This review contains a list of the various names that have been used to describe the music of SALEM and/or other similar artists, among them "drag" and "witch house." It originally also listed "rape gaze", a term coined by Michigan band CREEP, as formerly listed on their MySpace and reported in the New York Press. The band today disowned the phrase and will no longer be using it, expressing to The Village Voice, they "would never want to advocate sexual violence against any human being. It was a play on words which we never expected to be used as an actual genre."

Are yall sad that RAPE GAZE might not catch on?

Did Salem deserve a 7.5

Salem trade in apathy. In an article for Butt magazine last year, band member John Holland copped to a past lifestyle of heavy drug use and teenage prostitution-- then he offered the interviewer some speed. The band was featured in The New York Times Arts section's fall preview this year, but one member couldn't be bothered to wake up on time for the interview. When Times writer Ben Ratliff pressed the band on the lyrics to early single "Trapdoor", Holland replied, "It doesn't really matter to me whether people know what the lyrics are or not." Even when XLR8R's Brandon Ivers recently asked Salem about their much-blogged-about disaster of a FADER Fort appearance at last year's SXSW-- a performance that could be featured in the dictionary as the definition of "not giving a shit"-- band members Heather Marlatt and Jack Donoghue claimed not to have seen the video, while Holland later stated about the band's live presence, "I don't even care. I totally don't."

Damn. Mad Rape Gaze.
Seems scary.
Afraid of this dark world.

Anyways, here is another performance where they 'effing kill it'

Does this band sound 'rape gazey' 2 u?
Is it unchill that Pitchfork 'backpedaled' on the rape gaze genre?
Is Rape Gaze the new chillwave?
Is 'Snuff Gaze' a chiller alternative since not that many ppl know what
Was Pitchfork 'right' 2 take a stand against female violence?
Is it unchill that music writer bros can just 'make light' of sexual violence and throw around terms like that just to 'get bros talking'?
Does Salem 'effing blow' or are they better than Best Coast/WAVVES?
Should [act of sexual violence] + wave OR gaze be the next big musical genre?
Should we lump Crystal Castles into the rape gaze genre just to 'keep this meme going'?
What happens when the rape gaze and slutwave genres merge?

"Shame on u p4k, Shame on all yall."
-the female indie blogosphere

Some girl does her makeup just like Jared Leto, makes u question ur sexuality

Posted: 11 Oct 2010 10:48 AM PDT

Carousel: 
Jared Leto makeup tutorial
Main image: 

Lately, I've been watching a lot of makeup tutorials by tweens/lonely mainstreamer 20somethings on youtube. Feel like makeup is a great way to enhance ur personal brand because u can basically 'hide urself' if ur ugly, have acne scars, or if ur skin makes u look all gross [via peachfuzz sideburns].

Anyways, I just saw this broad do her makeup to look exactly like Jared Leto. Feeling mad creeped out. I know a lot of girls/twinks are really attracted to Jared Leto, so this really makes u ask the question "Would I make love to Jared Leto if he had a vajenga?"

If u r a straight bro, would u 'go 2 pound town' on Jared Letbro altbroad edition?

Feel like I got 'mega aroused' during this, not only because of the hunky effeminate features of Jared Leto, but also because of the sick ass Nine Inch Nails playing in the background. Kinda wished they used a '30 seconds 2 mars, yall' song.

Feeling scared
not sure if I'm 'straight'
or if i'm 'gay'

Not sure if I want 2 make <3 2 J Letbro
or if I h8 him
Not sure if Jared Leto is 'real'
Scared he is some sort of Midwestern female
[via the hit film Catfishes]

H8 the modern world
Digital lies
Personal brand shams
wool over our eyes

Just wanted to live in a world
Where Jared Leto can be Jared Leto

Kanye West spotted canoodling with Solange Knowles

Posted: 11 Oct 2010 07:30 AM PDT

Carousel: 
Main image: 
Link: thecobrasnakes


Kanye West is a highly controversial rapper who does artsy fartsy things and every1 creams their pants abt it, saying that he is the next PDiddy or something. Nnot sure if I believe them. Feel like there can only be one Puff Daddy.

Anyways, Kanye loves women, and probably 'makes love' 2 one every night. I'll never forget the time he made love to that curvaceous woman named "Amber Rose" [link]. Anyways, just saw Kanye West hanging out with some female. If I had to guess, would say she is Solange Knowles, the alternative sister of the popular rapper Beyonce Knowles.

It seems like they make a good couple, like they are all being blipsters, chilling around town in modern fashion, writing buzz mp3s, trying to appeal to mainstream audiences and.

Hope they do a sick duet, invite some indie singers on stage to riff on guitar, then get a 9.8 from Pitchfork.

Will this hip hop royalty couple work out?
Are they the new 'Jay-Z and Beyonce'?
can they make more money than Jay-Z and Beyonce if they get a 10.0 of Pitchforks?
Does Kanye West deserve 2 be married in2 hip hop royalty?
Will this be 'Mr. Right' 4 Solange Knowles?
WTF is 'canoodling'?

My mom took me to see buzzbands at a relevant music festival and I h8 her 4 it.

Posted: 08 Oct 2010 12:44 PM PDT

Photo by Weird Magic dot biz


One day, I will be a cool dad, and I will insist on my offspring being exposed to the same content/media that I was exposed to in order to make them feel more relevant/cultured. I will take my son to a dive bar. I will take my son to a relevant music festival. I will make sure my son gets 'shitfaced' in VIP, drinking free vodka/beer. I will make sure that my son checks a series of internet blogs every day and harvests the correct MP3s. I will browse his iTunes library, double checking for 'buzz errors' more closely than I check his math homework.

I can't wait to be a cool dad / free-spirited alt mom.
I can't wait to harvest a relevant child. It seems easier than harvesting a relevant buzzband.

However, what if things go wrong? What if I take my child to a music festival, and they have a shitty time? What if they h8 me, they h8 what I'm all about, and find some 'kewl, new counterculture' that represents something cooler, and fresher than my content-stream? What if I take them to see the Arcade Fire 30th reunion concert at Madison Square Garden, and they fall asleep because it is boring? What if

Feel sad abt growing older.
I am not scared of the mainstream challenges of parenthood
Changing Diapers, memorizing multiplication tables, lessons in social + environmental responsbility
Worried that my generation's window of cultural tastemaking is closing
We only have 2 more years left to harvest buzzbands, then we will be stuck celebrating the same pool of relevant buzzbands from 2k4-2k14 for the next 50 years.

"If the children don't grow up,
our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We're just a million little gods causin' rain storms turnin' every good thing to
rust.
I guess we'll just have to adjust." -Win Butler

Will probably just turn into a psychologically abusive parent, and my disconnected relationship with modern culture will have a huge impact on my son:
"Get your goddamn fingers out of your ears. Listen to this shit. We waited all day to get to the front. I spent $300 on a 3-day pass 4 u, and there wasn't a kiddie pass. Listen to this music. Do you know how buzzworthy this band was on their first album? Do u know how to appreciate buzzbands? Listen, I know they might not be as cool as the bands you like, but this band is undeniably good. You see, we used to be a part of something--back when indie music was harvested from blogs and the internet. Now this band has outlasted that era, building a brand that resonates with a global audience. Do you know how impressive that is? This means a lot to me, and you are being a disrespectful brat by plugging up your ears.

This means a lot to me.
You are not my son.
You are not my son.
My Son Respects his elders.
My Son Respects Buzzbands.

Shame on you.
Shame on you."

R u worried abt growing older?
Will u be cooler than ur kid?
Can blogs/Gen Y be 'tastemakers' 4 evr?
R u gonna h8 ur son/daughter if they try to cultivate their own tastes?
R u scared of dying, physically & culturally?

Is Regine depressed?

Posted: 08 Oct 2010 11:51 AM PDT

Carousel: 
Regine Arcade Fire
Main image: 
Photo by Courtney Biggs
via http://www.prefixmag.com/photos/arcade-fire-henry-miller-library-in-big-sur-pics/23

Regine... Cheer up Regine What are u so sad abt? Pick ur head up, hold ur chin up high Get up off the ground U r basically the next big female indie sex icon [link] Don't make me all sad.

Oh Regine...

Be proud--ur in the Arcade Fire Selling mad albums making mad bank taking the indie movement 2 such great heights

Oh Regine...

 

Also don't forget ur married 2 Win Butler the most successful American-Canadian musician in the history of the world If u get all depressed, then his songs will get all depressing then no1 will want to listen to depressing mp3s and ur brand might deteriorate Cheer up Regine Imagine ur life if u had married the 'dude who bangs on shit'

Stand up tall, Regine don't be sad and depressed Put on ur military coat and play ur zany instrument sing loud and proud

 

 

That's the Regine I know and <3

 

Oh Regine... Oh Regine...

Ur beautiful on the inside and out

Don't get depressed

Stand up, sing loud

Ur Regine "Effing" Chassagne-Butler

and no1 can take that away from u

 

Do yall <3 Regine Chassagne? Is she the #1 female in indie music right now? Has Regine 'made the leap' to top tier indie female sex icon after The Suburbs? Are yall on #TeamAlice or #TeamRegine? Would the Arcade Fire be 'nothing' without Regine?

Unchill AZN Bro stars in the new video 4 slutwave songstress Ke$ha

Posted: 08 Oct 2010 10:16 AM PDT

I spy
with my lil eye
some1 so unchill

In this Where's Waldo-esque music video
littered with tons of ppl dressed all outlandishly
I see u
I see u
I spy ur ass

One unchill azn
One unchill azn bro
There u r

1:08
hopping up and down
feeling free
Don't understand why you weren't 'featured' in this video
and instead were sort of just a 'background' face
Producers really 'effed up'
Instead, we only have a single moment of brilliance

So much slutwave dancing
slutwave lyrics
slutwave humans to distract us
But that 1 moment

I see u
I've found u
Ur so unchill

Is Unchill AZN bro a slutwave artist?
R u tired of Unchill AZN bro?
Did he ruin the vibes of this music video?
Will UnChill AZN Bro crossover and shake his ass in rap videos?
Is UnChill AZN Bro still unchill, or is he chill now?

Do yall remember the time Unchill AZN Bro was in Uffie's "Pop the Glock" Music video?

'hey'

Alice Glass looks effing sexie in the new Crystal Castles video

Posted: 08 Oct 2010 09:45 AM PDT

Carousel: 
Main image: 

Hi Alice I recently wrote a series of posts that were all worried abt u Due to ur on-stage presence but then I saw the new video for "Baptism" and u look better than ever. Sorry 4 being concerned abt u Or insinuating that you had some sort of substance abuse problems Ur killing it, girl Keep doin ur thang. I'm soo protective ovr u Watch u so closely. As vigilant as the Virgin Mary Waiting on 3 wisemen 2 show up with killer gifts Kinda worried abt the bros in the rape mask bros They seem rlly kreepy U sure they are ur friends? Know it might just be for 'imagery' or whatever but still--if something goes wrong, u know my number Feeling scared. Just <3 u Alice U really are the #1 female in indie music right now and u 'killed it' in this video Is Baptism the #1 Crystal Castles video of all time? Has Crystal Castles hit a home run? Do yall support CC for showcasing more Alice Glass than ever? Is Alice Glass a legit indie sex icon? Do u <3 Alice Glass's personal brand? Will Alice Glass ride the slutwave?

Some altbro filmmaker makes meaningful documentary that finally answers 'WTF IS A HIPSTER YALL?'

Posted: 07 Oct 2010 05:46 PM PDT


Just watched this 'preview/teaser' for a documentary about HIPSTERS. It seems like some altbro bought an HD camera, travelled to relevant cities across the United States, and interviewed people who 'looked alt', then went home, got on his iMac, edited this movie together, and said 'Hey yall made a documentary', uploaded it to vimeo, then no1 is gonna see it.

Not sure if I would 'watch' this documentary, unless maybe I was between 12-19 years old and I wanted to know more about my alternative social identity. Really tired of ppl trying to ask 'WTF is an effing hipster? H8 them so much' and trying to sell it as some sort of original cultural insight.

(Note: when Spider Man says "I don't fucking know!" did yall notice the documentary bro mouthing the words at the exact same time [via paying him 2 say that]?)

DOCUMENTARIE INFO

In 2009, lithe, lanky, mustachioed, pony-tailed filmmaker Luke Peterson began work on "Hipsters," a full-length documentary that explores hipster culture and attempts to nail down an answer to that elusive question: "What is a hipster?" (readjack.com)

A traveling documentary that visits Chicago, New York, Maryland, Los Angeles & a few locations we'll surprise you with.

Songs: Neon Bible by Arcade Fire
Genesis by Justice

Really h8 this modern era of self-important documentaries [via the post-Michael Moore / Morgan Spurlock era]. Just like 'gonna make a movie where I turn myself into a character that proves a point and call it a 'documentary' even though I just look like a bro with a stick up my butt the whole movie. Do u think some people should just 'strip naked' and look at themselves in the mirror forever instead of using a video camera to capture 'the essence of their lives'?

Just watched some other 'teaser' / 'trailer' that used Animal Collective.

Is this going to win Sundance?
Does this film seem 'brilliant'?
Does this bro seem chill, or like an entry level bro?
Do u think he 'gets' buzzbands, or just listens to them and says "Gonna use this in my movie yall"?
What the eff is an effing hipster yall?
Am I a hipstar?