Sunday, October 3, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

How Chili’s Saved My Life: A Story by Carles

Posted: 03 Oct 2010 03:31 PM PDT

How Chili's Saved/Ruined My Life.

A Play by Carles

Chapter 1: Parents Just Don't Understand, yall

"Eff yall mom and dad, I'm not going to college", I screamed down the stairs. It was the summer after my senior year, I was 18 years old, and didn't have a plan. I lived most nights driving around suburbia, smoking dank, getting buzzed on Arbor Mist wine, and eating fast food from establishments like Jack N Da Box, Taco Bell, Chipotle, and Arby's. I had just broken up with my girlfriend because she left to start summer school at a prestigious Ivy League University.

There was no reason for her to stay with a guy like me. Her parents wouldn't even let me see her because I got caught making love 2 her 1 time. Anyways, she was gone. All that was left were warm memories of her sweet, creamy vajeng. That was okay with me. Shit was getting stale anyways, and I wanted to bang other broads.

You know the old saying, "There's plenty of Nemos in the sea, and if u really want, u can find 1 [via Pixars].” It’s true. The best way to get over a girl is to have sex with another one, or at least that is what my Uncle taught me before he died of a black tar heroin overdose. He was a good guy, but never got over serving his time in Vietnam.

Life at home was a grind. My parents wanted to know I was going to do something with my life. They wanted to know my plan. Even if it was just community college for a year, they would get off my back. I needed to get an apartment so bad, but I didn't have a job, therefore I didn't have enough cash to pay $250 a month on rent. Oh well, at least the fridge had tons of DiGiornos, Freshettas, and Hot Pockets. As a dankwave bro, I was in heaven.

Summer was about to end, and my parents wanted me to enroll in community college. They even told me that they would keep paying for my car, my health insurance, and wouldn’t make me pay rent just as long as I took 15 hours worth of credits. It was my only chance to stay alive.

Would I make it in Community College?

Continue Reading– Part 2: Community College: Is it 4 me? >>>

PHOTO: White Stripes front man Jack White goes shopping for cat food & kitty litter

Posted: 03 Oct 2010 01:29 PM PDT

Link: http://leitch.tumblr.com/post/1221525512/seriouslyhowgoodarethemisfits-via


Oh Jack White
ur just like u and me and every1 we know
Letting ur guard down
and going shopping to buy cat food
4 ur cat
(and kitty toilet pebbles)

Ur a genius, Jack White
but at the same time
ur a human
even though u can wail on guitar.

so used 2 ur flamboyant on-stage personal brand
But at the end of the day
ur not just a pretentious indie celeb

Ur a brilliant song writer
Like that 1 song u wrote for people at soccer games 2 sing

but at the end of the day
ur just a bro who <3s his cat
kinda like the Best Coasts
and that rlly makes me <3 u

Feel like there is no greater love
than the love between man + canine [via feline]
hope ur kitty isn't pooping everywhere while ur gone.
Have fun chillin on some meow mix Whiskers Purina

See yall at PETCO
with tons of relevant alternative celebrities

Do yall <3 Jack White?
Are the White Stripes overrated?
Does Jack White need to focus on the White Stripes instead of playing in a bunch of other lame bands?
Are the White Stripes ‘indie’ or ‘mainstream rock bullshit’?
Should blogs stop ‘creaming’ over Jack White memes since all of his song sound the same?

iPad DJ returns, gives a pretentious tech keynote speech, does lame DJ set

Posted: 03 Oct 2010 12:23 PM PDT


The iPad DJ is some ‘tech guru broad’ who thinks she is authentic as a DJ, a social media expert, and as an Apple genius. Basically when the iPad came out, she ‘went viral’ because she claimed she was an authentic DJ who used the iPad as a functional way 2 advance her career. Since tech blogs are filled with boring ass content abt anything that has to do with Apple, she got ‘mad coverage’ and tons of bros jerked off 2 her [link].

Anyways, some ‘tech conference’ invited her to talk because no1 who is actually ‘successful at the web’ needs to go to some fake conference to ‘stroke their own ego’/talk like a pretentious visionary abt ‘the future of the web’ / cloud computing / twitter apps. She seems to have really ‘milked it’, trying to brand herself as a ‘legit’ webtrepreneur.

Sooo annoyed. She talked all serious, then she did a DJ set. Bet every1 was like ‘alright. We get it. Whatever. Jesus. Cmon. Let’s go to quizno’s. When is this broad gonna take her top off?’

‘I love tech!’
‘I love apple’
‘I love music’
‘I love the future’
‘I love web 3.0′
‘I wanna give Stevie Jobs a hummer’
-the Paddy DJ

Really wish I went to this tech conference so I coulda thrown ‘rotten fruit’ at her.
Will the iPad DJ ‘kill it’ at SXSW because she is sorta a mix of tech + music?
Will the iPad DJ get a 10.0 on Pitchfork?
Do yall effing h8 the iPad DJ?
Do u feel bad for companies that are wasting their money on ‘web 2.0 experts’?

Is Web 2.0 still ‘buzzworthy’ 2 talk abt or are there new trendy terms/jargon 4 relevant tech + social tools?
Is the iPad DJ the worst gimmick in the history of web 2.bro?

Diplo is in some Blackberry commercial where he brags abt how awesome his alt life is

Posted: 03 Oct 2010 09:17 AM PDT


The Blackberry is a popular phone for business men who aren’t allowed to have iPhones because they aren’t kewl enough/haven’t ascended into management, so they are’t really important enough to deserve iPhones. However, Blackberry recently realized that a lot of young adults are ‘over-loyal’ to Blackberry because of the trivial function of ‘BBM’, which I think stands for Blackberry Messaginger. Even though it is a simple chat service, people think that BBM is ‘special’ and helps them to build a network of other Blackberry users. Unfortunately, Blackberry will probably ‘go under’ now that poor people are starting to become loyal to Android phones.

Anyways, is a modern DJ who makes ‘mad bank’ producing, playing gigs, and ‘endorsing products’/building a lifestyle brand. It seems like this ‘commercial’ is supposed to let u know that his life is ‘effing awesome.’ He seems to be flying around the world ‘killing it’, ‘killing it’ in DJ gigs, ‘killing it’ with bros’, and ‘killing it’ while talking with his bffs on bberry. Seems like his life is awesome, and all he ever does is ‘kill it.’

Wish my life ‘killed it’. Sometimes I worry that I am just going to be an ‘effing consumer’ for the rest of my life. I’ll keep buying expensive smart phones even though all I really do is use social networks and talk with my friends who are unemployed.

Do yall buy into Blackberry as a ‘lifestyle brand’?
Can Blackberry rebrand and ‘take over’ the iPhone market?
What is the best ’5G smart phone’?
Is a relevant DJ, or his his brand ‘overvalued’?
How did survive the bloghouse era?
Will have a more successful career than M.I.A.?