Friday, September 24, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

NSFW: Confused alt broad tries to make a telephone call with her breasteses

Posted: 24 Sep 2010 11:02 AM PDT

Photo by lastnightsparty


Ring Ring
Goes the telephone
‘Hello’ I say

No answer

‘Hello? Who is this?? I have caller ID.’

No response.

‘I’m giving you one last chance.’

I hear a slight murmur. The voice on the other end of the line says…
“Herro…”

I yell “STATE UR NAME”

“nip”

I don’t know any one name Kyp, besides “Kyp Malone” of TV on the Radio.
I check my caller ID. The phone number is 713-NIP-SLIP.
The name says “NIP SLIP”

I hear a voice yell at me “It’s me. Nip.”

I don’t understand.

“I am a nipple on a breast. I am calling you from a payphone.”

I am confused.

“Hello? I need some help. My car died and I think it is the exhaust pipe. Can u bring some jumper cables? My car battery died and my owner doesn’t know how to change a tire. I am in the parking lot of the local Old Navy.”

So scared. Is a nipple actually talking to me?

I ask “How can u talk? How can u hear me?”

The nipple then says, “You might not know this, but breasts are capable of most aural, vocal, vision, and auditory skills. Nipples are sort of like insect antennas. Can you help me out?”

I ask, “How are you listening to me?”
Nipple: The phone is strategically placed so that I can talk out of one of my nipples, and listen to u with my other nipple. We are situated on top of a nice, round pair of alternative breasts.”

I had the nipple describe the size, texture, and ‘hardness’ status of the nipple, and instantly I was hooked.
I went to my garage, picked up my jumper cables, got in the car, and drove to help this pair of breasts, hoping that they were in fact

So confused. Just dreaming of nip slips.
Every time my phone rings
Hope it is a breast / nipple / vagina / peen / Shannon Gaga
Feel like I am learning more abt females every day
Nipples + breasts can do amazing things
feel like u can be blind + deaf
but still ‘feel it all around’ with ur nipples
and make ur way thru life

Does n e 1 know how nipples work?
R u turned on by ‘the telephone bra’?
Can a nipple use a robust API 2 login 2 facebook/twitter?
Do women ‘feel/see/talk’ with their breasts?
Do women ‘pee, cum, poop and squirt’ out of the same hole?

Unchill AZN bro keeps his VIP wristbands on to prove he is more relevant than U

Posted: 24 Sep 2010 08:15 AM PDT

Link: http://www.bjpandabear.com/2010/09/dilettante-debutante.html


Hi
How r u?
What’d u do last night?
Oh that’s kewl
hit up some relevant events
I went to those events too
Oh shit. u were VIP?
Yeah, I was just in the crowd with the masses
Yeah, just watched the show with a few bros, paid for a few beers
I get it, ur more relevant than me
Yes, I see ur wristbands
Yes, they are pretty. So many colors
Yeah, I know that afterparty was impossible to get in2
I don’t care any more, okay? I went to the show, had a good time
Yes, there is usually free alcohol in VIP
I’m usually chill, but ur gonna have to stop
Plz just take off ur wristbands
Why are you still wearing them? They are like 5 days old
I get it, ur relevant, ur important
but I had a chill time at those events, now I can’t stop thinking abt how u were VIP
and I was stuck with all of the goddamn alt peons
Really thought I had a good night
but now I realize
how unfair ‘VIP status’ can be.

Do u get pissed when some1 unchill has ‘VIP status’ then ‘throws it in ur face’?

Just wish I had a Nico +1

IS IT TIME TO RETIRE ?

The XX keep eyeball fucking their fans mad hard

Posted: 24 Sep 2010 07:43 AM PDT

Photos via Stereogum via AYoussef


Just went to see the XX play live again
Last time I went 2 see them [link]
I got ‘mad eyeball fucked’
They kept looking at me
and I felt a lil uncomf
but at the same time
there was something kinda sexie/hornie abt the vibe
in a dark way

I went home and fell asleep
had a dream where 1000 eyes were looking upon my nude body
and they were all wearing
nothing but black mock turtle necks
no pants
peens/vag-es exposed, aroused

<3 u Oliver Sim
there's just something in the way that u look at me
that makes me feel alive
Wish it was just u, me, and 'a smoke machine'

Yall have really elevated yalls personal brands
I remember when u used to be a humble buzzband
but these days
ur a ‘mega UK artist band’ who has sold hundreds of thousands of records

Walking around with ‘mad swagger’
after winning the Mercury Prize
Basically like ‘pulling down ur pants’
and showing off ur ‘$5 footlong’
whenever the hell u want

Oh Dos Equis
U can eyeball fuck me
whenever u want
these days
ur the only thing that gets me hornie

The perfect mix of
buzz
darkness
black clothes
and sexie eyes.

Ur music puts me in an erotic haze
so minimal
yet so brilliant
yet so sexie

Have u ever been 2 an XX show?
Did they eyeball fuck the crowd?
Do they make u hornie?
Is Oliver Sim the hottest bro in indie rock?
Should Oliver Sim ‘pull a Panda Bear/Jonsi’ and ‘go solo’?

The obese guy from LOST joins Weezer so they can sell more albums.

Posted: 24 Sep 2010 06:44 AM PDT


Not sure what the deal with Weezer is any more. Think they are sort of like OK GO, except with a bigger marketing budget, and the ability to throw down more creative internet memes / purchasing high priced advertorials utilizing some of today’s most important ‘social media super users’ on twitter, youtube, and the blogosphere.

Anyways, have never seen LOST, but I think I have seen these heavy dude associated with them. His name is ‘Jorge Martinez’ and it looks like he joined Weezer or something. I am not sure what he would have done on a LOST island, except maybe ‘search for food’ or ‘eat human flesh after his bros die’ [via stereotyping fat ppl]. His character name on the show was HURLEY, which is also the name of a popular clothing brand, which is also the name of Weezer’s latest album [via product naming rights], but they basically just paid this dude mad bank to help them meme on their album cover.

Do u think he is gonna add tons of value 2 Weezer?
Has Weezer gone 2 far to memefy their band?

Do yall ‘respect’ Weezer for just trying to make mad bank?
Do u think that Hurley bro is ‘allowed 2 lose weight’ or his ‘being obese’ part of his personal brand?
Do u wish Hollywood discouraged obesity so that actors wouldn’t die/suffer from diabetes + heart failure?
Have yall seen LOST?
Was LOST an overrated tv series / ‘cultural phenomenon’?
Was LOST just for boring people + stoners?

How does LOST end? (don’t wanna bother watching it)

Lamestreamers on facebook discuss how MGMT’s music has ‘gone down the shitter’

Posted: 23 Sep 2010 06:47 PM PDT


Many indie music fans are ‘divided’ on the state of many buzzbands as they evolve into mainstream bands, but no band is more divisive than . Their first album AnalBro Spectacular was hella chill, with tons of blogworthy hits like “KIDS”, “Electric Eel” and “It’s Time 2 Pretend, yall.” However, their sophomore album “Congratulations” really let down the entire blogosphere.

It seems like a few bros on facebook had a really progressive discussion about the artistic merits of .

Bro #1 throws down a sweet youtube of the song “Electric Feel”, and is all like ‘this song is the shit.’

Another chill bro ‘likes’ the status, aligning his brand with the song.

Then another bro comes along and is like ‘This song is fucking awesome.  Gonna check out this band.

Bro #1 ‘gloats’ and is all like, ‘Yeah. I know.  They are the shit.  I am the shit.’

An authentic bro then comes out of nowhere, and makes it clear that ‘sucks’ now.  He says “Listen, used to be OKAY, but now KIDS is overplayed by tons of lamestreamers, and their new album is fucking bullshit poop stains.  However, I love what the band is all about, and they have had their moments.  I have a true love hate relationship with .’

It seems like facebook offered some sweet bros the opportunity to reflect on . Facebook is a great place where humans can really unite and talk about common interests, relevant issues, and buzzbands. Peer-to-peer connxns really ‘beat the shit’ out of even face-to-face encounters because u get to really think about what u say before u type it out and submit the form.

Is ‘awesome’?
Is talking abt on facebook ‘authentic’?
Which bro do u agree with?
Do u talk abt buzzbands on Facebooks?
How many years will it take the blogosphere to ‘come to terms’ with ’s career arc?