Sunday, September 12, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Justin Bieber tries 2 be alt, buys wayfarers at WalMart, seem too big for his face/lil nose

Posted: 12 Sep 2010 04:48 PM PDT


Feeling alone
in my tweenage dream
Kinda seems sweet
to get ‘beejes’ on the reg
Being mad famous
Going viral every day
Having some1 trim my pubes whenever I want
Unlimited hoodies, caps, and miscellaneous ‘kewl looking’ apparel

but at the same time
am I missing out?
By being a tween sensation
Will I get ‘fucked up’ [via psychologically]
by not having a ‘normal tween hood’

Would I rather be a lost tween on twitter
Or the tween sensaish that every1 is tweeting abt?

I don’t get to go to highschooler
Don’t get 2 be a mainstreamer
Don’t get to ‘letter’ in football

Don’t even get the chance to become a ‘smart alt’
and join the Academic Decathlon Team
Won’t be able to lose my virginity to a girl in the parking lot during high school

Feel sad that my wayfarers don’t fit
Really bums me out
Feeling ‘more introspective’ as my voice drops
New feelings inside of me / my brain / my body

I guess this is growing up
1 day I will grow in2 my wayfarers
I will be a man
I will be happie.

Wish my life wasn’t just a meme

Covered by blogs, tweets, and tween zines

Really worried abt the direction of my life

will I be able to ‘pull a Timberlake’ by shaving my head + talking about fucking bitches?

Scared

Wish I was special…so effing special… [via the Creepioheads]

Sad

Alone

Just wish my sunglasses fit my face

And didn’t make my nose look like a lil nub

Wish I didn’t do that ‘clothing line’ at Walmart

Wish I had just stuck 2 Ray Ban Wayfarers

Feeling like lil AZN hands effed up my sunglasses [via a sweat shop]

Sad/dead on the inside

‘U make me feel
Like I’m living a tweenage dream.’

Alt Has No Size. Love Has No Size. I am the Plus-Sized Alt

Posted: 12 Sep 2010 03:42 PM PDT

photo by lastnightsparty


Plaid shirt
Skinny jeans
fly ass sneakers
Beard
alt haircut

The standard uniform of the male alt
So many bros
So many varied plaid color scheme combinations
So many personal brands that are within a very small standard deviation of ‘the alt norm’

The truth is
It doesn’t matter what a bro looks like
How long his facial hair is
which buzzband mp3s fill his iPod
What his preferred premium / post-ironic beer is
how much he weighs
how long his schlong us

Every alternative bro forms a larger body
a modern movement
an aesthetic
the sum of all altbros = far greater than any individual.

We can do anything
We can get any girl
We can all lust over a hot alt baguette
We are all

Kinda like existentialism
we are all ‘the same’ or something abstract like that
We are all just trying to bang hot alt pussie
We are all the same.

We can all ‘get too drunk’
and lift up a girl
spin her around the dance floor
as our penis becomes erect against her clitoris/leggings

Alt has no size
Alt has no color
Kinda like ‘love’
U could theoretically fall in love with ‘the elephant bro’
or one of those bros who weighs 1 ton and sweats Coca Cola [via being fat]

Love = Alt
Alt = Love
Me = U
Fat = Skinny
Alt = Mnstrm

AnCo = NSYNC
Electro = Indie
Blogs = newspapers
Buzzbands = shity local bands
Cool Dads = entry level alts

1 day u will find her soulmate
He or she will/will not be ‘perfect’ on the outside
They might not be ‘the personal brand that u thought u would end up with forever’
Too fat
Too skiny
Too dumb
Too smart in an ass-hole kind of way
Too neurotic
Too chill
Too into shitty music
Too into relevant buzzbands

but maybe deep down inside
they will ‘make sense’
make sense 2 u
and u’ll move in 2gether
become more than just an ‘aimless 20something’
and u’ll start a family

But it all starts tonight
Get ur ass on the dance floor
grind on her pussie/ass
Pick her up by her ass
Spin her around until she ‘goes unconscious’

This is ur time
Alt has no size
Believe in urself
Believe in <3

Will u ever find ur soulmate?
Is there such thing as an ‘over-sized’ alt?
Are females expected to be skinnier than males?
Are u a plus-sized altbro? what size t-shirt/jeans do u wear?
Does ‘alt’ have a minimum/maximum weight?
Are u ‘unhip’ if u r ‘fat’?
Have u ever been with a ‘plus sized human’?
Can ‘skinny jeans’ exist if u have a 30/32/34/36/38/40+ inch waist?

Vampy Weekend drummer wears Toni Kukoc jersey on stage, claims Michael Jordan was overrated

Posted: 12 Sep 2010 01:30 PM PDT

Link: http://deadspin.com/5634030/look-at-this-fucking-hoopster-toni-kukoc-drums-for-vampire-weekend


From what I understand, Michael Jordan was ‘the greatest basketball in the history of the world’ before he ‘took his talents to South Beach [via LeBron James]. At a recent concert in Chicago, IL, Christopher Tomson, the Vampire Weekend drummer wore an NBA jersey to ‘get the crowd pumped up’, as if they were supporting their world champion Chicago Bulls. It seems like he could have worn a 23 MJ jersey, or even a post-ironic 45 Michael Jordan Jersey. Instead, he went with the greatest white NBA player of all time (even better than Larry Bird), Toni Kukoc.

It seems like maybe this was to appeal to white/Eastern-European markets. Heard they are really into the NBA/emerging indie bands.

Did yall ever watch Michael Jordan play?
Was Toni Kukoc ‘better than’ MJ?
Did Chicago win all of its championships due to Toni Kukoc?

Is Toni Kukoc one of the top NBA players of all time?

Do u wish he found an alt Dennis Rodman jersey?

Will the Bulls beat the Heat in the 2k11 playoffs?
Who is the greatest NBA player of all time?
Was Michael Jordan overrated as a human, father, basketball player, and brand?
Who is the best white player in the NBA right now? Manu Bronobilli? Steve ‘Altbro’ Nash?
Is Vampire Weekend the last great American band?
Who is more likely to ‘get’ indie music: MJ or Toni Kukoc?
Is LeBron James better than Toni Kukoc?
Do u feel more emotionally connected to a band when they come to your town, and ‘pay homage’ 2 a local sports team/eatery/politician/famous brand?

Panda Bear does interview, sends ‘rational messages’ to all his h8rs and critics

Posted: 12 Sep 2010 11:54 AM PDT

Link: http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/archives/2010/09/q_a.php


Every1 is eagerly awaiting Panda Bear’s new album, but it might not come out anytime soon. I think he might have scheduled the ‘album release interviews’/a US tour assuming his album would be out now, but now he has to talk to a bunch of people, talking abt everything except music. Bet he wishes he had an album to talk about, so he doesn’t have to get so ‘introspective’/talk about bloggy issues. Feel like we have learned more about Panda Bear in the last 2 weeks than we ever knew abt him.

Anyways, some Village Voice bro asked him about how it feels when ‘a rock music critics’ says that ur music sucks in the live format:

When you say you feel uncomfortable about performing live, is it because of people like rock critic Jim DeRogatis, who didn’t — in so many words — enjoy your Pitchfork Festival set, or is it because of other factors?

Well, it doesn’t feel good when you read or hear that people think you’re just really bad or a joke or something like that. It definitely doesn’t do anything positive. It’s kind of the social aspects of the job, too; it freaks me out a little bit. I’m not the kind of person who really spends a lot of time around crowds of people. I guess I feel like I have trouble meeting people sometimes or talking to people; I guess I’m not the most social person I know.

Seems like a reasonable response. Nothing really ‘fiery’ about it.
Damn. Feeling kinda bad. Sometimes i am a music critic on certain blog posts, so maybe I’m not helping artist vibes.
Do u think Panda Bear would be ‘more respected’ by mainstream rock critics who get cranky when they see 1 man on stage playing drone wave music if he was a better ‘networker’, and took them out to Chili’s to ‘stuff their fat faces’?
Do more artists need to ‘cozy up’ to relevant bloggers who will turn on them as they grow older, fatter, and more bitter towards the world?

Then he has to get all introspective and talk about his personality. Seems like he is all self-conscious, but found a chill/weird zone in Portugal.

After living in Portugal with English as your main language, I imagine coming back here, where everybody wants to talk to you, is pretty jarring.

Yeah, that’s the thing — growing up, I was a super, super shy person. Then, sometime after, I dropped out of college and moved to New York, which I guess is just the kind of place where you’re forced into social interaction everyday, it was really good for me in a way. I feel like I developed this feeling of being able to talk to people and not feel weird about it. But having moved to Portugal, where I’m in a much more isolated zone and don’t speak to people that much, I feel like I’ve regressed a little bit and I’m more in a socially inept zone than I was maybe five years ago. But overall, being in the spotlight, even though it may be a really dim spotlight, is another thing that I’m not really a natural at.

Do u think Panda Bear has a ‘chill personality’? Or is he ‘socially maladjusted’?
Do u think his personality helped him to create the Panda Bear project?

He also says that the new album is a Bach-wave album:


I also read that, somehow, Bach is an influence on the album. Is that something the listener can hear in “Slow Motion,” with those two thick, pounding chords that play throughout the song?

I could see that, I mean, it almost sounds like a church organ in a way. Yeah, I know what you mean. I think on “Tomboy” there’s something really serious and almost heavy-handed, which I’m not crazy about. But serious in kind of like a sacred way; that sounds like really lofty and kind of pretentious, but I guess that’s where my head’s at these days.

Really feeling a lot of tension in Pandy right now. Seems to be ‘thinking a lot’, feeling insecure. Hope he’s chill. Just want him to get back to his comfort zone and write more songs that sound like “Comfy in Nautica”, “Bros (edit)”, “KIDS”, and “Time to Pretend” bangers.
R u pissed that TOMBOY is ‘never coming out’?
Should Panda Bear tell all his haters to ‘go eat a dick’?
Should Panda Bear ‘get controversial’ to get more coverage [via M.I.A.]?
Do u think Panda h8s all these interviews?
Is Panda bear ‘too terminally chill’ 2 handle press tours?