Wednesday, August 4, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Menstruating Fans at Lilith Fair stock up on shitloads of free tampons

Posted: 04 Aug 2010 04:39 PM PDT

Link: http://www.facebook.com/lilithfairtour?v=photos


Lilith Fair has been one of many ‘complete disasters’ of the mainstream summer festival season. Apparently most women don’t really care about ‘authentic granola female artists’ who are all about ’supporting female vibes’, and instead just wanna ride the slutwave with Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry. N e ways, Lilith Fair still ‘went down’, and I don’t think any1 bloggable played, since most female artists are super forgettable cuz they don’t have muscles, honky voices, and can’t riff hard on guitar.

The most bloggable thing at this festival was probably the ‘free tampons’ handed out at the festival to all of the fans. Always good to ‘geotarget + audience profile’ ur give-aways to make sure they are mad effective. Feel relieved to know that 1990s Lilith Fair fans can still ‘get their period on’, and haven’t started to ride on the menopause wave. Not sure if Lilith Fair fans ever even ’skip periods’ since they are probably all lesbians who live in conservative states and aren’t allowed 2 seed themselves with donated sperm.

U want some tampons? U gonna stick them up ur business or what? Can men use tampons for when they have to poop?

Are tampons the best festival giveaway loot of all time, or is it probably ‘free dank’ at your local Marley Fest?

The brand of tampons being given away is apparently called the “o.b. mighty. small.” tampon. I think it is supposed to be a tiny lil tampon that can handle ‘heavy flow.’ Sorta like deodorants that are ’strong enough for a man’, but made for a woman’s soft pits.

Cute lil designs help me feel more like a woman.

Do u think these are really lil tampons, or are they floss / after dinner mints?


XX BONUS FREE LUNA BARS XX

Just need a tasty way to eat all of the minerals and nutrients that my body needs.

Do u dig the Lilith Fair for being ’so in touch’ with women’s needs?
Are men allowed to eat Luna Bars, or does that turn them ‘gay’?
Do yall use lil tampons, or huge ass Kotex Pads with wings for ultimate protection?

Is wearing a pad the same as ‘wearing a diaper’?
Can u poop and pee in ur pad and let it slosh around all day?
Do slutwave artists even have periods, or do they just ‘ride out the month’ with a penis in their vagina to stop their heavy flow?
How old were u when u had ur first period?
How old were u when u skipped ur first period?
Are merch giveaways at music festivals an effective way to inform consumers about your brand, or is it a ‘huge waste of money’?

Is the Arcade Fire ‘cheating’ by selling their album for $3.99?

Posted: 04 Aug 2010 12:16 PM PDT


In our modern world, indie bands must do ‘whatever it takes’ to compete with mainstream bands. Indie bands are in a battle with alt rockers to become ‘the best selling guitar rock bros in the world.’ Not sure if it will happen in our lifetime, but mindie bands like Vampire Weekend and are doing their best to sell mad units at discounted prices.

Is this an ‘ethical’ way to sell albums, or is there no such thing as an ‘ethical way’ to sell anything?
Do u think the $3.99 discount price ‘appeals’ to random cool dads who want to vibe out legally to buzzband jams?
What is a more powerful impulse purchasing tactic: the $3.99 digital sale or the $9.99 physical copy sale?
If u were a mainstream bro, would u be ‘pumped’ to see an album ‘on sale’ for such a low price?

Will the ‘chart’ at #1?
Will they ‘blow the competition out of the water’?
Is this a ‘great accomplishment’ or have they ‘cooked the books’?
Will Lady Gaga sell her album for $1.99 to set Billboard chart records?
Are people who buy complete albums for 9.99 ‘fucking chumps’?
Will iTunes file a ‘lawsuit’ against Amazon for reverse price gouging?
Did the steal their cover art from suburbia?
Do we know that indie bands are ’seeking amazing first week album sales numbers’ when they sell their album on the cheap?
Which band will be next to use the $3.99 amazon sales technique?
How much is an album ‘actually worth’? $17.99? 9.99? 3.99? ~.99 per mp3?
Do u prefer bands who accidentally ‘give away their albums for free’ [via leaked rapidshare file]?

Will Best Coast’s stoner personal brand limit her critical & commercial upside?

Posted: 04 Aug 2010 11:44 AM PDT


Video footage has emerged on Pitchfork.com of Best Coast, aka Bethany Cosentino, smoking mad dank with some African American bro. It seems like this is the ‘pinnacle’ of her stoner brand. After hundreds of tweets related to ’smoking dank’, interviews about Cali dank, and danking around with her dank dank weed , it seems like we finally get to see ‘@The_Real_Bethany.’ Chillin in her natural state, ‘lifted’ as hell, getting lifted-er.

One can only wonder how her ‘weed loving/addicted’ brand will impact her long term brand, both commercially and critically. It seems like in all walks of life/genres of art, u kinda have to placate the conservative mainstreamers in order to ‘go far.’ Ur brand has to be strong, yet inoffensive. Present nothing alienating/controversial about yourself, just keep making agreeable jams without getting political and doing things that are ‘illegal’ in the eyes of tweens/grandparents. Wonder if Converse would offer her a record deal ‘all over again’ after this ‘controversial’ dank video. Seems like a huge ‘brand liability issue.’

What’s ur fave part of this video? Does it remind u of watching high schoolers smoke weed when they talk about ‘how high’ they are? Do u like when they talk about abusing medical cards? How abt when they talk about how medical establishments are ‘putting the local dealer out of business.’

Best Coast’s mp3s seems ‘agreeable’ and ‘listenable’, which is very uncommon for many bands with female lead singers/female sound projects. There is so much commercial upside in a weak female indie market, where decent female mp3s and albums can see a huge sales bump just by ‘being female’ [via the Feist/Zooey Deschanel theory]. Seems like she really could have reached a tweeny Feist-like status on album #2.5 if she just ’stayed chill’ and didn’t ‘tank’ her personal brand. Wonder if we will look back at 2k10 and just think of it as the year of M.I.A./MGMT/Best Coast letting us down for a multitude of different reasons.

Critically, it seems like the indie blogosphere views her ‘art’ as a ‘joke.’ Some bros probably always thought she sounded like 90s alt rock disguised as fuzz, but other bros were ‘more than willing’ to neglect these vibes just to have another female in ‘the game.’ Why do u think indie bros are ‘turning’ on Best Coast. Probs because of the ‘U = the people u chill with’ theory [via guilt by association with WAVVbro]. Not sure if the criticsphere takes Best Coast and/or seriously as artists/musicians, mainly just sees them as meme generators. Feel like they both had a ‘golden opportunity’ to take advantage of a weak year of music, but it is clear that they aren’t ’serious’ about becoming ‘great’ indie musicians. Instead, they just want to milk tour life and record deal advances to put themselves in situations where weed is ‘bountiful.’

Now is the time that Best Coast must dump in order to save her commercial + critical viability. She must do so in a public forum, possibly using twitter, or in an exclusive sit-down interview, similar to LeBron James’ “The Decision.” In addition, she should ‘check into rehab’ to save her brand.

Sorta feel sad about social media + the modern world. So much pressure to ‘be somebody’, to ‘evolve ur personal brand’ into something greater than yourself. Not sure who I wanted her to be, and if that person is even who she wanted to become. I sorta wanted her to dye her hair blonde, and have a short stint on VH1/eventually end up playing Lillith Fair when she is 38. Maybe write a few songs for Demi Lovato/Miley Cyrus along the way. I wanted to hear her song(s) in iPad commercials. I am so angry at her for ‘not seizing her opportunity.’ It feels like I am ’stuck in hell’ with my bro who smokes too much weed, wasting his/her opportunity to ‘get their life together’ and experience ’something more.’

Only a few indie products have the opportunity to become ‘Top Tier Indie bands’ and this is becauase they are not afraid to ‘achieve greatness.’ Whether they are pretentious about it or chill about it, the pursuit of everlasting indie greatness is what separates ‘the heavyweights’ from the ‘meme of the week’ buzzbands. As high level post-indie music fans, we expect top tier buzzbands to take their jobs seriously, doing their best to present art which inspires high level discussion about genre-bending mp3s.

What r ur feelings towards Best Coast like?
Is it simple, like ’she is just a dumb stoner’, or is it more complex, like ’she represents everything that is wrong with buzzbands’?
When u monitor Best Coast memes, do u think of her as a ‘real artist’?
Is Best Coast good at rolling blunts?
On a level from 1 to 10, how high were u when u read this post?
Is it always a good policy to ‘do drugs on camera’?
Will the Chicago police put Best Coast in jail after seeing this video?
Will Best Coast’s PR team get this video taken down, or have they passed ‘the point of no return’?
Is 2k10 the year of buzzbands getting ‘coverage’ but not necessarily having the product/brand to back it up?

Which indie bands are ‘openly pursuing greatness’?
The Arcade Fire?
LCD Soundsystem?
Animal Collective?
Grizzly Bear?
Ariel Pink?
M.I.A.? (no)
MGMT? (maybe??)
Chillwave artists? (to be determined on album #2)
WAVVCOAST? (no, just smokin some dank)


Some bands want to have an ‘album of the year.’
Few bands want to have an ‘album of the decade.’
Truly great bands want to have an ‘album of the century.’
I only listen to bands that are aiming to create an ‘album of the Millenium.’
Still waiting for a buzzband who creates the ‘Album of Forever, Yall.’
-Carles, 2k10

GRAPHIC VIDEO: Racist Ice Cream Truck Driver Runs over a Blipster Bro, kills him

Posted: 04 Aug 2010 06:34 AM PDT


Not sure what is happening in this video, seems to be going viral. 2 social media loving are just trying to film a lil vlog, but then some unchill ice cream bro is like ‘aw hayl nah’ and runs that blipster over and kills him. Bet they just wanted to post that shit on youtube and get 100ish hits, but I guess now maybe it is sweet that they can get a million hits, since their video involves ‘racism’ and ‘’, something that appeals 2 white people who still have lingering vibes of the slavewave era in their bloodline.

Sorta was vibing out to the blipster as he did the shuffle, like it was ‘mad alt’ to be gettin his dance on in a busy intersection, but then chillwaves thawed when the bro ‘honked at his ass’ and then ‘hit the shit out of him.’

Have to believe this blipster ‘died’ on impact.

Who do yall think is at fault for this blipster death?
The driver for driving a hate wagon?
Or the blipster bro for being ’so alt’ that he didn’t want to dance in a club?
Are yall mad bummed about all the blipster hate going on in the alt community?
Have yall ever run over some1? What did you do with the body? Is it easier to get away with murdering some1 with ur car if they are an unemployed minority?

Herd of homeless alts live off free food at sponsored alt events

Posted: 04 Aug 2010 06:03 AM PDT

Photo by thecobrasnake


It was the summer of 2k10. That’s when me and my fam started arguing a lot. I’d stay out to late partying, raving, and giving oral sex to my bffs on my parent’s front porch. Needless to say, things didn’t end well. My parents told me I had to stop going to raves, after a few of my friends died in Los Angeles/Germany. I was hella bummed because they didn’t understand that I kept myself super hydrated when I dropped E. Always had a ‘babysitter’/designated bro.

N e ways… We had a huge fight and I got kicked out of the house. It didn’t help that I told them I didn’t want to go to community college. They told me it was a ’stepping stone’, and eventually I’d transfer to UCLA or USC, but those schools are for mainstream bros. I just wanna get a job working in ‘the industry.’ Not sure which ‘the industry’ i want to work in, but probably one with a ‘party’ lifestyle.

But as for now, I’m effing young. My whole life is ahead of me. I really just want to spend some time forging meaningful relationships with other people who are young, who are searching 4 the same things that I am.

We don’t need a ‘home.’
We don’t need parents & ‘direction.’
There are so many sponsored events these days, we can just camp out outside of them, waiting to get free ‘gear’, ‘food’, and ‘alcohol.’ All we have to do is look ‘moderately alt’ and we can hit up any free event from LA to NYC, from Miami to Burning the Man, from Chicago to Indio, from Bonnarooville to the City Limits of Austin.

It feels good to be young, living off Vitamin Water and a sweet Subway diet [via Jared].
I feel like I finally have a family. Reading 1 another bed time stories. There’s no such thing as ‘day’ or ‘night.’ We are truly free.

One time I saw my parents’ minivan drive by. I wonder if they’re even looking for me. I hope not, because for the first time, I finally feel like I am part of something. Being a homeless alt enables me to live a truly on-the-go lifestyle (usually advertised by trendy mobile phones) where I am [literally] on the ground floor of relevant events across the country. Lucrative sponsorship deals enable alts like me to eat for free. In addition, u can find a lot of bread + bologna in Subway dumpsters.

Have u ever been a homeless alt?
Do u exploit free food/alcohol at relevant sponsored alt events?
Will herds of homeless alts ruin ‘free’ events by hoarding all of the ‘goodies’?
Have u seen great results on the Subway diet?
What’s ur fave $5 footlong?