Monday, July 26, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Should I invent a secret handshake with my BFF where we press our nipples 2gether?

Posted: 26 Jul 2010 04:30 PM PDT

Photo by LastNightsParty


Sometimes I wish I could be young forever, having the energy to ’stay out doing blow every night’, seeking out meaningful life experiences until the sun rises. Honestly my newly adopted ‘chillwave’ lifestyle is kinda a result of my body ‘breaking down’ since I recently got a job that sorta sucks a lot of time and energy out of me. Really can’t do anything but chill after work because my body can’t do much else.

Chillwave lifestyle has its positives and negatives. I chill super hard, but chills aren’t as frequent. The chills that I do throw down are mad meaningful. I feel like I have ‘a few core bros’, but my SOCIAL NETWORK [via Zuckerberg] is diminishing rapidly. Wish I could go back in time, be young again, learn how 2 <3 again. Do fun things again. Be quirky, zany, let nights last forever. I wish I could invent a new ’secret handshake’ with my BFFs where we exposed our supple nipples, then touched them together. This would represent the ‘passing of milk’ from one teet to another. We would be ‘nursing’ 1 another, sharing information, lifestreaming in the most authentic way.

Just want life to stream from 1 human to another
in an authentic social network
Just want some ‘’
in my face
helping me to 4get about my chillwave escapist lifestyle

Miss the days of ‘.’ Wonder if I will ever find ‘the perfect pair’, or if I’ll just end up settling for some ‘cartoon-like mainstream breasts’ on a mainstreamer.

Might go to my local drug store, purchase a disposable camera, and label it the ‘boob cam’. I will rent a van, drive around trying to ‘pick up chicks’ and eventually ‘bang them + photograph it’ in the back of the van, starting a successful online pornography subscription service called “Bros Bangin Chicks in the back of a van.”

I feel like the HIPSTER RUNOFF blog is ‘really suffering’ from the great buzz drought of 2k10. Since there aren’t that many bloggable bands, blogs that blog bloggable content can’t really blog. Really hurting us all right now. I feel like 2k9 was sort of ‘the Olympics of Indie Music’, and now we have amazing stadiums + infrastructure meant to spread memes, but now there aren’t many memes to spread + share. Sorta like converting a professional speed skating arena into a place where 12 year olds have rollerskating parties.

h8 2k10 so bad right now. 2k10 artists didn’t really ‘open up a new artistic space’ where we could debate + discuss + analyze their art. Seems like the criticism-sphere in 2k10 has sorta been a ’slow pitch softball game.’
Really ‘losing it.’

What came first: the buzz or the band?

Just hope the nip slip economy can ‘come back’ and save the mp3 economy. Feel like nip slips represent ‘promise’, the opportunity of ’seeing something great’ in the future.

Feeling depressed, like the only thing keeping the blogosphere alive is ‘ravers killing eachother’ and birds pooping on buzzbands.
R u sad abt the state of the blogosphere?
Is 2k10 really ‘tanking’?
Does n e 1 care about the Arcade Fire leak?
Will Panda Bear let us down?
Can anything save 2k10?

What will we find first: the next bloggable buzzband or the ?

Group of alt girls make ’sexie bikinis’ out of IKEA bags

Posted: 26 Jul 2010 02:00 PM PDT

Link: http://www.etsy.com/shop/betterthanliving
Link: http://ikeahacker.blogspot.com/2010/07/ikea-bikini-summer-clothing-line.html


Whenever I feel like ‘reinventing my space’ with kewl, Swedish designs at a low cost, I will rent a UHAUL, drive out to suburbia, and ‘reinvent my space’ by purchasing $1000-$5000 worth of impulse-bought that doesn’t really match at IKEA. At first, I will feel ‘like a brand new person’ since I think my life will be way better with tons of low cost desks and coffee tables and ‘knick-knacks’, but then I realize that I have to assemble it all, and that it all looks kinda tacky.

N e ways, some ‘alt skanks’ made bikinis out of IKEA bags. This seems kinda ‘alt’ but at the same time, kinda ’suburban stream.’ Might be more alt to make bikinis out of Bed Bath and Beyond coupons.

Not sure if this is ‘fashion ’ or just a ‘crappy arts and crafts project.’

R u turned on by some IKEA titties?

Will we find the perfect alternative breasts nestled within an IKEA bag?

Are ‘tankinis’ an effective swimsuit solution for ‘pleasantly plump’ women or should they go with the retro NBA jersey + sports bra/huge ass baggy shirt? Do u think IKEA would tankinis if they produced swimsuits?

Do u wish u could go 2 a conceptual strip club and get a lap dance from a ‘high class alt stripper’ who had a banging body, but also ‘understood fundamental principles’?

Do women who ‘are trying 2 hard to express themselves’ end up making ’sexi’/’shitty’ arts and crafts projects?

Will u make summer bikinis out of IKEA bags?
Will u choose a different retailer like or Abercrombies and Fetch?
Do u support women + ‘the arts’?
Do u like metaphors about retail identity + consumerism?
Is IKEA a ‘good product’ or is everything that they make ‘tacky shit’?
Is IKEA ‘the over-branded WALMART’ of + home appliance stores?
What do u own from IKEA?
Do u wish u could purchase an alt girl in a bikini from IKEA?
Do u think these alternative entrepreneurs will make ‘tons of blog money’ from their Etsy store?

R u hornie, or do conceptual women showing off their bodies ‘make ur peen go limp’?

Two ‘effing hipster bitches’ ice their bros using Mike’s Hard Lemonade

Posted: 26 Jul 2010 09:20 AM PDT

Via: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SorryIMissedYourParty/~3/Udpib1bSKk0/enough-already.html


Looking at these 2 effing hipsters
they seem like they are really ‘post-alt’
Like they’ve been ‘effing hipsters’ for 40+ years
to the point that they are ‘ironically’ living shitty lives’
Working crappy jobs for $27K per year [via the front desk of some company/law firm]
taking post-post-ironic smoke breaks
Ironically popping out 3-5 kids
and ironically being in a relaish with an ‘abusive dude who works at an auto garage’

Seems like they are just ‘chilled out’, drinking some Mike’s Hard
[vie lemonade]
Cuz when life ironically hands u lemons
u might as well ‘ice ur bro’
with a lil bit of Mike’s Hard Limeade / Cran Apple juice / Pomegranate Slushie
via jamba joose

Seems like they are ‘drinking the cranberry shit.’
Never knew the Hard Lemonade brand had ‘branched out’
and created sub-varieties
but I guess it is all just ’sugary shit that tastes the same’
so as long as u can drink it with chips + 7 layer bean dip
and get diabetes
everything seems chill

Kinda get Mike’s Hard Lemonade and ‘Schmirnoff Ice’ mixed up.
Wonder if u can ‘ice ur bros’ with any type of ’sugary drink 4 bitches.’
Just wanna bond with other ‘effing hipsters’
and enjoy a cold ‘malt beverage’ with some fellow bitches

Sometimes wish I could be a ‘trapped in my life’ mainstreamer
just to sorta get in touch with the True American Spirit
////drinking fruity drinks on the weekends
////growing older
////smiling in pix with my bffs
‘what’s this life for?’ -Scott “Creed” Stapp

N e ways…
effing hipsters
when will they ever learn
Might just get authentic
and join a Fight Club / First Wives Club

Might just ride some Lemon Chillwaves

Are yall into icing ur bros?
Would yall ‘bang’ these hipster post- ?
Can u HARDFEST LEMONADE ur bros?
Do u want to ride gelato/sorbet waves?
Or will u always be dedicated to Lemon Chill waves?

M.I.A. controversially ‘teases’ crowd with a lil bit of upskirt

Posted: 26 Jul 2010 06:45 AM PDT

PHOTO VIA: http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2010/07/die_antwoord_st.html
Photo by Alexander Stein


M.I.A. is ‘one of the most controversial artists of the modern indie blogosphere.’ It seems like now that she has ‘gotten our attention’ [via being controversial], her new gimmick might be to ’show off some bod’ and ‘ride the slutwave’ so that she can compete with other females in music like Miley Cyrus, Larry Gagga, and Katy Perry. In this photograph, u can ‘kinda see up her shorts.’ Seems like ‘the way ur music sounds’ isn’t really important, u just have to build a brand where ‘bros wanna eff u’ and ‘tween girls wanna be u.’

The Alt Report cannot confirm nor deny visibility of ‘panties.’
The Alt Report will not comment on whether or not ‘vagina lips’ or ‘fashioned pubic hair’ are visible.
The Alt Report cannot confirm nor deny that these shorts were purchased in the ‘comfy’ section at WalMart.
The Alt Report cannot confirm nor deny that indie artists wear adult diapers on stage so they don’t have to take a ‘potty break’ during the show.
All u can really say is that M.I.A. is ‘teasing’ her fans, showing off a lil bit more bod in an alt kind of way.

What can u see?
Is M.I.A. lookin good in her shorty shorts?
Is M.I.A. ‘trying to ride the slutwave’?
Should more indie artists ‘wear short skirts with no panties’ so that mp3 bloggers would have more ’sexie content’ 2 blog abt?
Was this post ‘a let down’ or are u thinking of M.I.A. in new, sexual ways?
Can M.I.A. ‘crossover’?
Who is the #2 slutwave artist?

More people killed at electro rave in Germany. Are raves bad 4 society/humanity?

Posted: 26 Jul 2010 06:02 AM PDT

Link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-10751899
Link: http://www.thedailyswarm.com/headlines/breaking-15-killed-love-parade/


It seems like raves are ‘going down the shitter’ since people keep dying at them. Whether it is drugs or general space/safety hazards, raves seem to create a ’shitstorm’ of negative outcomes. Some rave in Germany just had 19+ people die with ‘hundreds’ wounded. Some sort of stampede led every1 to ‘freak out.’ Seems way unchill. Bummed for the 1 million German electro bros who just wanted to have a good time, but then had to ‘fear for their lives’/watch their bros get stampeded on.

At least 19 people have been killed in a stampede at the Love Parade dance music festival in the German city of Duisburg, police have said.

Police had been trying to stop people reaching the parade area because of overcrowding.

But the revellers panicked at a tunnel entrance. About 100 people were also injured, dozens seriously.

Police and city officials have launched an investigation into what sparked off the disaster.

Does this make u scared/worried?
Do large scale raves need to end?
Do local governments have the resources to handle this kind of event?
Are raves ‘really worth it’?
Do raves create ‘the perfect storm’ of elements which could cause ‘the ultimate shitstorm’ [via people dying]?

Seems ‘crowded’. Not sure if this German Love Parade was a good idea. Maybe they shoulda just chilled on skype and group vid chatted.

More than one million people were believed to have attended the event.

Sorta weird how most cities in the world don’t have a population over 100. Kinda seems ‘effing impossible’ to regulate + maintain order/safety at a modern rave.

Here is some footage of medical professionals ‘at the scene’ / trying to bring ppl back 2 life.

Is it ‘disturbing’ to see local events getting dedicated medical resources that are on par with natural disasters and/or terrorist attack responses? Seems ‘negative’ that local governments could create these scenarios 4 their constituents [via 'wasted taxpayer dollars'].

Do ur vibes feel harshed to learn about this negative rave meme?
Do u think Christians/local politicians/local news anchors will ride the ‘anti-rave message’ as hard as they can?
Do blogs ‘care about the people who died’ or are they just jumping on the rave death meme?
Should raves be banned in the USA?
Will Coachella be mistaken for a rave and banned in Southern California?
Do all ‘raves’ need to be rebranded as ‘tame ’?
Does techno electro music make people more panicked and violent?
Is it a ‘bad thing’ when a festival gets international recognition because people died?
R u worried?
Are you scared of attending an alternative event that gets out of control, then u end up dying because people couldn’t just ride chillwaves?