Tuesday, July 13, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

ABC News does segment on kewl new buzzband called WAVVES

Posted: 13 Jul 2010 04:07 PM PDT


ABC has some hilarious segment called ‘AMPLIFIED’ where some old cool dad bro who loves indie rock (Dan Harris) goes out and interviews buzzbands. It seems like he bro-ed down with WAVVES. Not sure if Dan Harris smoked a blunt, but the other bros probably did.

Might throw down a chill with Dan Harris.

N e ways, super cheesy video done in the style of MTV News from 1992, but always ‘hilarious’ to see ABC NEWS AMPLIFIED segments. They really try to make it seem like WAVVES overcame a rough career or something.

Not sure why Pitchfork founder and CEO Ryan Schreiber shows up in this video. More important question is: why he is floating in front of the old Pitchfork site design?

Worried that the ABC Video editing interns didn’t really do their homework, and pooped this segment together. Feel like buzzbands should probably only do a few interviews per year instead of leaving their brand to be manipulated/butchered by these people who ‘clearly don’t know what they are doing.’

Feel like this screen shot is ‘hilarious’ [via 'actual studio' humor]. Wonder if people who aren’t familiar with chillwave lofi bedroom producers could even comprehend this slide.

Here is a video of Dan Harris ‘trying 2 flirt with’ Best Coast/ interviewing her. That bro is seriously ‘one bro of a bro.’

Feel like this Dan Harris bro is one of the greatest indie journalists of our generation. Wonder if he would rather be covering ‘real news’ or if he prefers ‘connecting with the kids’ and interviewing buzzbands that he reads about on wikipedia the night before the interview.

Do u think Dan Harris genuinely likes buzzbands?
Does he seem like a chill bro who would share a joint with u?
Do u think Dan Harris is the Anderson Cooper of buzzbands?
Did Dan Harris ask ‘hard hitting questions’ or did he mail it in?
Do u think there is a secret love triangle between Best Coast, WAVVES and Dan Harris?

Is the albino blipster the most alt personal brand possible on Earth?

Posted: 13 Jul 2010 01:06 PM PDT

Photo by Ivan Rodic


Sometimes I wonder if people are born with personal brands, or if personal brands are carved by a person’s upbringing + place in society. Like most questions in life, the answer is always probably gonna be ‘a lil bit of both.’

I feel like some people are genetically gifted with either ‘unique facial structures’, ‘mad skinny bodies with high metabolism’, or even ‘beautiful skin’ which no combination of Neutrogena and ProActiv could accomplish. Some humans are simply ‘more beautiful’ than others, and some humans are simply more alt than others. Some humans have to ‘overcome’ tons of bad vibes in their lives’, and some people surfed on chillwaves straight out of their mother’s womb.

Sorta wonder what the most alternative personal brand in the world is….After seeing The Albino Blipster, feel like he might be #1.

First of all, being ‘black’ makes him more rugged & organic than all white people.
But his skin condition makes him ‘post-back’, achieving a tone whiter than most white people.
He comes with [FULLY LOADED] with ‘all of the pain and suffering’ of a descendant of Africa, but represents a ‘white light’, encouraging us to look at more than race, and instead to look inside of ourselves.
In addition, being a ‘blipster’ gives him an alt perspective on the stereotypical ‘black’ way of life.

Really feel like we are ‘witnessing history’/'transcendent beauty’ when we watch this albino model blipster bro. Seems post-human, with a personal

What sort of ‘life challenges’ does a person have to overcome to become ‘auth alt’?
What do u think is the most alt personal brand / race combo possible?

Half icelandic, half portuguese?
Half Los Angelesian, Half Brooklyinite?
Half Utahinite, half Midwesterner?
A blipster who was adopted by ____________?
A California Style Mexi Bro?
A white kid from the suburbs of Maryland?
A child who was born over the Bermuda Triangle?
a child born at a music festival who was raised by buzzbands?
a child born from the virgin vagina of an entry level alt?

Do u feel like ur personal brand is bottle necked by your genetic brand?

Just wish I won ‘the genetic lottery’ and had the ultimate personal brand, giving me a look/human aesthetic that made me ‘more than just another human’.
Want 2 be ‘more than just another alt dunce dressed in retail’….
Want 2 have the most authentic personal brand in the entire universe [via aliens vs predators]

Kanye West does soft porn denim photo shoot with curvy assed Amber Rose

Posted: 13 Jul 2010 10:56 AM PDT

Link: http://www.terrysdiary.com/post/802072299/amber-rose-and-kanye-west-1


A lot of blogs were buzzing that Kanye West had ‘broken up’ with curvy ass white girl Amber Rose. She was spotted canoodling with NFL player Reggie Bush [link], but that was probs just a ‘1 night stand’, and staying with Kanye West was probably better for her career long-term. Tons of blogspots love 2 cover Kanye memes.

N e ways, they did some photo shoot that seemed ‘mildly pornographic’ [via Terry Richardson]. Not hardcore stuff, but just super soft stuff. Some people really ‘get off’ 2 soft porn since it leaves more 2 the imagination.

Do yall like the ‘dark, hard, snuffy stuff’ or the ’soft porn’ type of stuff?
Do yall like public displays of affection?

Not even sure what is happening in this pic. It seems like he thinks she is some sort of ‘popsicle’, or perhaps he will lick her from her head 2 her toes [via that 1 Ludacris song].

I think this pose ‘turns me on’ the most. It features Kanye West rubbing his erect penis [thru his jeans] against the vaginal area of Amber Rose. Used to use this one all the time against the lockers in high school/at the movie theatre. Really helps both members of the couple to ‘get wet’ [via precum].

Will ‘denim jackets’ be a new blipster trend?
Will Kanye West’s new album be the album of the year?

Do yall feel comfortable seeing this interracial relationship?
Are Kanye West and Amber Rose the #2 couple in music? (behind Jay-Z and Beyonce/Ben Gibbard & Zooey Deschanel)
Do u wish u could be black and date a white chick?
Does Amber Rose only ‘do’ black dudes?

Panda Bear’s new press photo features him ‘covered in cum’, possibly Adobe

Posted: 13 Jul 2010 09:05 AM PDT

Link: http://pitchfork.com/news/39435-listen-official-high-quality-version-of-new-panda-bear-song-slow-motion/


What seems to be a new ‘press photo’ of Panda Bear has emerged, prepping him for his new TOMBOY album cycle. While most press photos are underwhelming and forgettable, Panda Bear ‘went the extra mile’, making sure that his new press photo will be a meme that lives on forever. The Photo features Noah Lennox covered in a mysterious white material, which might be cum and/or semen.

Not sure if this is ‘official’ or just some sort of fan doodle which is reported by pitchfork to be a “Photoillustraion by Maureen Gubia.”

Conspiracy theorists claim that this mystery substance is adobe, and the photo was taken while he was constructing an Adobe slab for his girls, but Southwestern American Architecture experts say that Adobe is a redder, richer clay which wouldn’t leave white residue.

Do u think he is trying to copy Ke$ha’s ‘covered in cum’ meme? [link]

Wonder if ‘cum covered pix’ are gonna be the future of music. Just sort of represents how we are all standing in the middle of a hype circle jerk. Maybe with females, it represents them being ‘huge whores’ who have to ‘get cummed on’ by fans + the record industry.

Do u think he looks happy with his bukake-wave press photo?
What do yall think the mystery residue on Panda Bear’s face is?

IN OTHER PANDA BEAR NEWS…

Pitchfork was granted the first ‘high quality stream’ of Panda Bear’s new mp3 was posted by Pitchfork, soon after Panda Bear’s PR Agent was ‘mad pissed’ at Pitchfork for posting the unauthorized tracks. [link]

This move only illustrates the ‘mad hits’ that Pitchfork gets, and how essential it is to ‘have them on board’ for an album to get exposure. ‘Making Pitchfork mad’ is a bad idea, since their scores are sometimes directly tied to record sales. In the end, all artists must let Pitchfork control their memes in order to ensure a working relationship moving forward.

Smaller blogs are ‘up in arms’ claiming that they deserve the [EXCLUSIVE PREMIERE] since they played by the rules.

How do u feel about the TOMBOY album cycle?
Are there tons of ‘blog politics’ going on?
Will Panda Bear’s new album break the 9.0 barrier?
Do yall know what Adobe/Cum residue looks like?
Have u ever let cum dry on ur face/body?

Tacky mainstream female brand FOREVER 21 starts Maternity Line 4 Pregnant Teens

Posted: 13 Jul 2010 06:46 AM PDT

Link: http://thegloss.com/fashion/forever-21-launches-maternity-line-in-states-with-high-teen-pregnancy-rates/


From what I understand, Forever 21 is a ‘tacky ass wholesale brand’ where mainstream women can buy tacky ass generic ‘going out’ and/or ‘cutesy clothes.’ It is kinda like the mainstream Urban Outfitters, except with a way high slut rate and a junk per capita rate. Many Forever 21 designs are seen on full display at tacky clubs all across the country, because poorer people think it is a ‘classy store.’ Feel like young girls also think the clothes there might be ‘high end’ or something. Maybe like ‘the Old Navy 4 female tween skanks and poor 18-35 year olds who need to get their swerve on in a club.

N e ways, they ‘controversially’ launched a new maternity line, and it is only being carried in stages with massive teen pregnancy epidemics (not sure if u r genetically predisposed to teen pregnancy or if it is created by society):

currently, the line is available in five states: Arizona, Alaska, California, Utah, and Texas. Why those places? It could be random. But it is interesting to note that three of those five states – Arizona, California, and Texas – are on the list of states with the highest percentages of teen pregnancy in the country.

Do yall live in these states?
Are there tons of girls who are pregnant?
Should Am Appy respond by offering more maternity options in size XS?

Do yall feel happy for pregnant teens who now get to ‘look fresh and fashionable’ even though they have a huge belly with a child forming in it? Should they be forced to wear big baggy Walmart men’s clothes in shame?

Glad I can still wear my leggings even after I get pregnant.

Do pregnant teens deserve ‘higher self esteem’, particularly for baby shower events? Worried that pregnant girls who shouldn’t be pregnant might ‘get pregnant again’ while they are pregnant if they look too sexie/start hitting up clubs again.

Worried that our planet is becoming 2 crowded… Worried that the Chinese will eat all of our food.
Does the USA need to put an upperlimit on how many children parents are allowed to have? Should Africans start adopting American babies that won’t have a good life?

What kind of brand is Forever 21?
Have u ever shopped in a Forever 21?
What kind of girls/women wear Forever 21 clothes?
Is Forever 21 bad 4 society?

Andy Samberg spotted canoodling with indie singer Mark McGrath [via Sugar Ray]

Posted: 13 Jul 2010 06:02 AM PDT

Photo by lastnightsparty


Sugar Ray is a popular band from the 1990s that wrote some of the chillest bro songs in the history of chill bros. Some could argue that in tandem with Incubus, both acts paved the way for the modern danked out chill bro. Mark McGrath was the genius behind the band, and he was spotted with the frontman of the Lonely Island/the wannabe funnyman SNL digital short bro. is part of a new generation of comedians who ‘made funny lil viral videos’ to get comedy famous, instead of ‘paying their dues’ doing standup in underground clubs. (Not sure which comedy route I respect more).

has been dating Joanna Newsom, so based on this new canoodling picture, that relationship is ‘probably way over.’ Maybe he broke up with her due to ‘poor album sales’ and wanted to collab with some1 who ‘truly understood mainstream pop music.’

There had to be tons of tension between Joanna Newsom and because Samberg son tons more albums rapping about penises, poop, and zany stuff with the Lonely Island. Really sad for Joanna Newsom…Nothing seems to be going right for her after the disastrous “Have One On Me” campaign.

R u chill with Sugar Ray?
Are u sad that Joanna Newsom + Mark McGrath might be ‘over’?
Does seem like he is canoodling, or pissed that he is taking a picture with a ‘lame ass 1990s frosted tip rap-rock frontman?’
Is Mark McGrath ‘the father of chillwave’?
Did yall listen to pop rap rock in the 1990s? Is that the future of indie music?

I just wanna fly seems like it might have paved the way for chillwave

Might just vibe out to “Every Morning” for the rest of 2k10, and shut down my blog til 2k11 if “TOMBOY” blows

What’s ur fave Sugar Ray song of all time?

Panda Bear’s PR Team gets ‘mad pissed’ at blogs + Pitchfork for posting ‘the leak’

Posted: 12 Jul 2010 06:25 PM PDT

Link: http://twitter.com/forcefieldpr/status/18298924280


Panda Bear’s upcoming album TOMBOY is one of the most ‘in demand’ leaks in the history of the blogosphere. The PR team responsible for dispersing memes and guiding their album cycle to achieve mad sales, mad buzz, and critical acclaim is Forcefield PR. (The company manages memes for other buzzbands such as WAVVES, Ariel Pink, and Neon Injuns.)

Daniel Gill, the head of Forcefield PR ‘went on a massive/moderate twitter tirade’, utilizing the Retweet function to share the previous ALT REPORT story about how Pitchfork ‘broke blog ethics’ to post the new Panda Bear unauthorized MP3s [link]. It seems like this ‘retweet’ solidifies the Alt Report’s ‘MUST READ’ status for true indiesphere insider ’scoop’, ‘daily dish’, ‘gossip’, and ‘analysis.’

The tweet seems a mix of ‘bummed’ and ‘pissed’ at the state of the blogosphere.

Later, the PR Company twitter account ‘cooled off’, making it clear that Pitchfork was not the only blog who was unchill, but basically just about every alt blog on the internet.

Seems like he put “legit” in quotes to let all music websites know that they are ‘fucking bush league’ and should be mad ashamed of themselves.

The buzz behind this album is ‘getting out of hand’, bloggers ‘breaking laws’, PR companies ‘pissed at blogs’, Pitchforks acting like blogs. The circle of buzz seems to be under siege.

Do blogs ‘have the right’ to post unauthorized material by buzz artists?
Is Panda Bear ‘too blazed’/'too busy being a father’ to handle
Should the PR company ‘be pissed’ at blogs, or should they ‘forgive blogs’ since ‘blogs and Pitchforks are the best way to reach tons of consumers?
If blogs truly love Panda Bear, should they ‘wait’ until he gives them ‘the green light’ 2 blog him, or due to SEO, should we ’scoop’ him like Lindsay Lohan going back 2 the slammer?

Feel like this album is changing everything. Everything so crazy. Mother Indie ‘has been disturbed’ and everything is turning into a shit storm. Thought this album cycle was gonna be chill, but it already seems ‘frenetic’, like a group of sharks feasting on a human that is trying to clean up the oil spill.

When will Panda Bear sound off on all of this commotion? We could really use a soundbit from him or something, letting us know what to do. Feel like if he ‘called off the dogs’, we would all chill out, and chill until his albums come out. Noah Lennox can help us to ‘give peace a chance.’

Are yall on #TeamBlog, #TeamPitchfork, #TeamPRteam, or #Team Panda?
R u worried about the blogosphere?
Will Panda Bear leak?
R u worried about the next AnCo album?
Is life all about firsties?