Friday, July 2, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Unchill AZN bro steals microphone from buzzband, gives drunken speech, ruins chill vibes

Posted: 02 Jul 2010 12:13 PM PDT

Photos by thecobrasnake


We were just trying to watch a chill ass show
Relevant buzzband
that we booked in a super secret chill space
only a collection of the city’s most alt bros
high level get together
not an electro rager.

First, u show up with neon paint on ur face
ur not a neon indian
ur an unchill neon azn
ruining the vibes, letting people know ur in the room
via ur intense personal brand

Why did u steal the microphone from the buzzband?
What r u trying to prove?
We all wanted 2 see the band
make sure that we could blog and tweet about them
to give them organic buzz
b4 they go mainstream

Not chill, bro
U always do this.
srsly getting super tired of it
U don’t understand that life isn’t an electro rager
it’s a series of chillwaves

Why r u doing that?
Just because u r basically pantless, doesn’t mean every1 has to be pantsless

not every1 has to have ur personal brand
it would be impossible

U really just ruin chill vibes all the effing time
Why do u do it?
Really want 2 know what ur trying 2 prove
Wanna ride chillwaves so bad
but then u just do what u do

Why do u look so satisfied?

Thnx 4 ruining the chill vibes again.
The buzzband got pissed and stormed out
promising never to play our scene again
Their career is probs over, since we won’t be able to buzz them

2nite a lot of things went wrong
and everything woulda been okay if u had just chilled
h8 u Unchill AZN Bro

What do crunkwave suburban tweens who go to Brokencyde concerts look like?

Posted: 02 Jul 2010 10:14 AM PDT

Photos by Travis Egedy Picture Plane [myspace]


Hey look, it is the popular mexi alt screamo crunk wave band BROKENCYDE. Kinda miss them. Wish they could be integrated more into rave culture.

Do yall remember when the popular 2k9 meme which was Brokencyyde’s hit anthem “FREAXX” hit the internet? Every1 in the high level indie blogosphere was making fun of it, because it mashed up numerous low-end genres. Screamo, emo, crunk, hiphop, horrorcore, and anything else that the poor/uneducated/young/impressionable end up listening to. We all ‘laughed at it’ as we gawked at Brokencyde’s interpretation of the world.

Many claimed that this was just a strategic internet meme, and there was no real band behind this brilliant anthem about ‘getting freaky.’ However, there is actually a Brokencyde, and they have a core group of fans who show up 2 their shows.

Do yall know if there is a difference between ‘emos’ and ’scene juggalos’ and ‘nightmare before Christmas Teens’ and ‘Hot Topic bros’?

Is there an official word for an African American emo / juggalo / scene person?

Not sure what the deal with those neon troll feet is. Would probably just wear lace up converse shoes to ‘get my dance on’ without worrying about walking in puddles of water

Fuzzle wuzzle feet

Wonder if ur parents drop u off like that, or do u bring a lil bag with ur zany accessories to change into while ur waiting in line?

Really miss the era of myspacers worth blogging about [via OMG WTF]

Should I turn my Green Day tshirt into a bikini?

Here’s some more Brokencyde just so u can vibe out to some crunk haus while u read this post.

Looks sorta like an ethnic version of the Crystal Castles album cover.

Scared of this mexi alt. Worried abt his eye balls / retinas

READ MORE SCENE JUGGALO CONTENT

Wanna be in a scene couple and do scene things together like sharing hair irons, watching Japanime, and sharing pants

Need a pokemon haircut

Seems like every subculture has their version of a ‘mainstream’ demographic

this girl seems like she is ‘just going thru a phase’

Worried about the scene Flock of Seagulls Cookie Monster bro

Feel like some genres of humans aren’t asexual, but post-sexual

Does n e 1 know if Brokencyde is a horrorcore/juggalo brand, or do they just appeal to that subspecies of humans?

Whatevz. Just gonna go munch on some cookies with Flock of SeagullCookieMonsterBro.

Does n e 1 know what the appeal of Brokencyde is?
Is this type of music for impressionable minority suburbanites?
Is this music for ‘white trash’?
Is Hot Topic ruining America by idealizing the consumerization of uneducated alt culture?
Are these kids ‘trying to create a perfect scene’ like the indiesphere, or are they just listening to disgusting music with disgusting themes, mashing up everything there is 2 hate about our American society?
Are yall worried about Mexi Alts?
Will Brokencyde win Pitchfork’s album of the year?
Is Denver, CO the sister city of Los Angeles?
Is the majority of music ‘made for stupid people’?
Do u think members of the indie blogosphere scene are ‘better’ than these people?
Should we all just get Flock of Seagulls haircuts and eat a shit load of cookies?

Laters

B4 THEY WERE ALT STARS: High School Photograph of Animal Collective’s Geologist emerges

Posted: 02 Jul 2010 09:10 AM PDT


Geologist is a band member in the popular 2k9 indie rock conceptual band called Animal Collective. Over the years, the band has evolved into one of the most authentically received bands in the history of this music.

A photograph of Animal Collective’s guitarist / bass player / sample player / knob turner GEOLOGIST aka Brian Weitz has emerged on the internet, possibly from one of his old high school classmate bros. It seems like he was a chill, hopeful bro.

Does he still have a look of hope in his eyes?

Do yall think his HS personal brand looks chill?
Would yall have sat next to him at lunch / gone over to his house to smoke weed in his parents’ basement?
Would u have guessed he would be an indie rock star 1 day?
Is Geologist ur favourite member of animal collective?

Would yall rather have chilled with Geologist, or the other AnCo bros before they were alt stars?

Did yall know any famous indie rock stars ‘Before They Were Alt Stars’?
Have the let blog fame ‘go 2 their heads’ or are they the chill bros that they’ve always been?

Sunkist Soda makes their brand more alt, lets Jared Leto score their new commercial

Posted: 02 Jul 2010 06:56 AM PDT


Sunkist is a popular orange soda, competing with orange sodas like CRUSH and FANTA in order to create the perfect orange soda formula. They are in search of a demographic of alternative ppl who ‘love orange soda.’ Colored sodas are stereotypically associated with minorities (red, purple, orange = for browns and blacks) but it seems like they are trying to give Sunkist a new vibe. Something that ‘hipsters’, ‘alts’ and Beach Bros can drink when they get blazed, maybe.

Maybe they are trying to create a more meaningful Mountain Dew, like something that is for xtreme alts, except when they feel like chilling. Hope ‘Orange Label Sound’ launches soon.

Can’t believe they picked the majestic song “Kings and Queens” by Jared Leto’s buzzband 30 Seconds To Mars. Feel like that song is ‘hilarious’ since they are trying so hard to be the most meaningful alt rock band of all time. In the original video, a clan of bicycle alts roam the streets of Los Angeles, searching for meaning.

Seems like Sunkist is trying to create a group of consumers similar to the alts seen in this video. Alts who vibe out to majestic altrock, living in a post-apocalyptic urban environment, where nothing matters except for beverage choices.

<3 u J Leto. U write the best soda songs. Way better than MTN DEW BROS

What’s yalls favourite orange soda?
Do u think Sunkist will rebrand itself successfully and make more money?
Is Jared Leto the perfect alternative spokesman?
Should Sunkist try to ride chillwaves to sell more sodas?
Are colored sodas for minorities?

Red sodas are for __________ (Mexis?)
Purple sodas are for _________ (Blacks?)
Green sodas are for __________ (xtreme white bros/white trash/skaters)
Diet sodas are for __________ (rich, fat whites/dumb girls)
Regular brown colas are for ________ (every1)
Water is 4 ________? (no1)
Is coffee for _______?
Is tea for ________? (AZNs/Indians)
Lemon Lime sodas are for _______?

What kind of soft drinks do yall drink?
Do different colored people have a natural affinity towards certain soft drinks, or is it just ‘branding’?

Indie Rapper Jay-Z gets new iPhone 4, doesn’t know how 2 use it.

Posted: 02 Jul 2010 06:01 AM PDT

Link: http://9to5mac.com/node/18939


Jay-Z is a popular mainstream rapper who likes to do alt/indie things. Whether it is going to a music festival, telling his friends about buzzbands, or burning meaningful mix CDs for his girlfriend Solange Knowles, he loves to stay ‘on top’ of current hipster alt technology trends.

It seems like he bought one of the new iPhone 4 gadgets. Not sure how it is different than old iPhones, but I heard it has a Pentium Processor that is faster than a Macbook Pro and an iPad put 2gether, and it comes installed with Garage Band and Final Cut Pro. Think they are going after the ‘artist’/'artisan’ demographic. Tons of tweens want the ability to vlog on the go. Jay-Z probably uses it 2 create beats, throw down vlogs and twitpics, and to phone home/Charles Barkley.

He seems to ‘not know how 2 use his phone.’ Many iPhone purists claim that he is ‘holding it incorrectly.’ Wonder what apps he uses. Wonder if the iPhone is the best phone for him.

Are iPhones ‘authentic’ or do they just have a mainstream coveted brand?
Are Apple Products ‘bullshit’ + low quality?
Is Apple/the iPhone/ AT&T a pyramid scheme /ripoff/bullshit?

Do yall use iPhones?
Do yall use Android?
Which phone OS is more ‘alt’?
Should I get a Razr / Microsoft KIN?
Does Jay-Z know how 2 use his iPhone?
Do u think he is sending Grizzly Bear / the XX / Beach House a text mssg?
Does Jay-Z sext?

2 white juggalo tween bros launch horrorcore hipster rap group

Posted: 01 Jul 2010 05:42 PM PDT

Via: http://tumbledore.tumblr.com/


Just a couple of tween bros
in Middle America
listening 2 hip hop rap
saying the ‘n-word’
imagining the hip hop lifestyle we will 1 day grow in2

Vlogging
Rapping
Badassing
because we r bad asses

chillin with the blacks
rapping just like them
mutha fuckas
white, black, 1 color

we r bros
gettin our rap on
eff all da h8rs

Are these bros mad talented?
Will they get signed by an alt record label?
Does all rap sound like this?
Are white people trying 2 be black ppl or are black ppl trying 2 be white people?
Are these bros the next Eminem / Insane Clown Posse?