Wednesday, April 7, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Nike makes Tiger Woods ad about how his dad is ashamed of him.

Posted: 07 Apr 2010 05:40 PM PDT


Tiger Woods recently cheated on his wife and banged a bunch of whores, escorts, strippers, skanks, and professional sex women. He is currently making a ‘comeback’ from his downward spiral, about to play the popular white person sport GOLF again.

created a new commercial trying to ‘capitalize’ on his ‘comeback.’ The commercial features a sad looking Tiger taking a verbal message from his dead father, Earl Woods. I think they must have contacted him [via the grave] to make this commercial. Feel like his voice sounds ‘disappointed’, but also kinda ‘proud’, like his son might be a ‘pimp baller’ for banging so much sweet, white vagina.

Is ‘exploiting’ this situation?
Is the marketing wing the ‘greatest bros in the history of the world?
Is Tiger ‘exploiting’ his dad?
Will Tiger Woods ever win the NBA Championship again?
Would this commercial have been cooler if it featured Neon Indian / She & Him / Grizzly Bear?

Did Tiger’s dad raise an ‘ass hole’?
Did Tiger’s dad raise ‘the ultimate bad ass’?

R u ashamed of Tiger?
Did Tiger let down black people?
Did Tiger let down white people?
Should Tiger be able to ‘bone’ any big titted stripper that he wants 2?
Have yall ever done and had sex with some1?
Is Tiger Woods the greatest bro of all time?

Does n e 1 know what kind of animal this is? Might get 1 embedded in my jacket.

Posted: 07 Apr 2010 04:53 PM PDT

Photo by Stil in Berlin


Hey yall. Just looking at kewl new trends. I just saw this little critter that is chilling on a bro’s jacket, but it also might be integrated as a scarf. I feel like I could use a little creature who is an extension of me. A lot of people buy dogs, cats, fish, and other mainstream house pets, but I need something that is ‘high fashion’ not just some mutt that I have a personal connection to. Always searching for new and exciting ways to differentiate my personal brand, taking it to the next level.

Maybe I should get one of these mysterious creatures and sew him on to my Am Appy hoodie. Feel like that might differentiate me from ‘every other tween wearing an Am Appy hoodie.’

Does n e 1 know what kind of animal this is? Rlly need to buy one.
a) fox
b) tiger
c) lemur
d) sugar glider
e) wombat
f) muskrat
g) rat
f) wildabeast
g) ferret
h) golden retriever
i) kitten
j) ice panda
k) an animal collective
l) mini-deer
m) Tasmanian Devil
n) armadillo
o) komodo dragon
p) manatee
q) beluga whale
r) Brooklyn sea otter
s) aardvark
t) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Really want to jump on the ‘animal fur’ trend while there is a backlash against it.

Does n e 1 know how I can create one of these critter accessories? Do I just go to PETCO and purchase a pet to hollow out?

Is it ‘mean’ to get a real animal and murder it/ hollow it out?
do animals really have rights, or is there no difference between the meat industry and the exotic fur industry?
Is there really such thing as animal cruelty?

R u allowed to pretend that your critter is a puppet, and have it talk to people about relevant issues?
Have u ever worn ‘fur’?
Have u ever killed an animal?
R u good at zoology: the study of going on zoo field trips when ur a kid?

She & Him continue awkward snoozefest late night tour on Jimmy Kimmel

Posted: 07 Apr 2010 02:17 PM PDT


In this live performance of “Thieves”, Zooey Deschanel jimmy jangles a tambourine and sings her lil heart out. Wonder if she improved upon her infamous ‘crazy coke eyes’ performance on Letterman. Think this performance is supposed to be ‘vintage’ or something. Really didn’t watch it all because I’m not an uninteresting girl who thinks she listens to an interesting/relevant/inspiring female band.

Is She & Him becoming one of ‘the most hated bands in the world’? R u sad that their album cycle is coming to an end, or are you happy that you will never hear from them again until Zooey Deschanel is in another free-spirited role?
Will there be a sequel to 500 Days of Summer?
Should Zooed Deschanny go solo?
Is the mp3 blogosphere full of She & Him apologists just because she is cuter than ever?


In addition, they performed the hit song “In the Sun.” Maybe just watch 2 see how Zooey handles the intro piano jingle, watch a few crazy distant stares, then move on with ur life.

Thanks for the memories She & Him. See yall at Volume 3.
Do u think She & Him is one of the most ‘forgettable’ bands of the past 20 years?
Is Zooey Deschanel one of the most marketable alternative celebrities on the planet?
Did these performances ’suck’?

Miley Cyrus’ Tatted Up Alt Post-Tween Brother releases kewl new mp3

Posted: 07 Apr 2010 10:05 AM PDT


Trace Cyrus is the brother of the popular Disney tween pop sensation . He is the product of Billy Ray Cyrus’s semen. Recently, his tween rock band Metro Station broke up, so he is ‘going solo’ and ‘creating the shit he’s always wanted to make.’

The name of the new sound project is and the song is called “French Kiss.” It seems to be some erotic ode to some girl who he is having sex with. In the song, he declares “Take me to the hospital, you are breaking my heart.” The autotune rapping and post-chillwave synths make the song sound like it is meant 2 be on God’s iPod nano with a custom engraving. He begs and pleads in the chorus, “Turn off all the lights… French Kiss… All night.”

Is this song ‘amazing’ or is it a ’shit sandwich’ that will sell 1 million units on iTunes? [via tweens with iTunes gift cards]

Do u think tweens are ‘let down’ that his new song isn’t as poppy and approachable as Metro Station’s “Shake It”?

‘Yo what up it’s yo boy Trace. Just gonna kick back, get some sick ass designs tatted up on me. Might head to the studio later 2 drop some 3 OH! 3 -esque sick jams.’

What will Pitchfork give ?
Is Miley more talented than Trace?
Is 3Oh!3 pissed that Trace ripped off their innovative bro autotune rap aesthetic?

Can we call anything that a Cyrus child makes ‘post-Soul Patch Wave’?

Some bro smokes dank out of a red pepper at a major league baseball game.

Posted: 07 Apr 2010 08:30 AM PDT

Link: http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-428208


Just read this CNN report about how a bro smoked weed at a game. A new Stadium, Target Field, opened in Minnesota, and the bro wanted to be ‘the first person to smoke weed’ at Target field. Apparently, during the game, he hollowed out a red pepper, then ’smokes some hash.’ Every1 around him was watching, and got ‘pissed’ because I think sporting events are usually marketed as ‘family events.’

Then a security guard came and told him to ‘chill out and stop smoking blow weed.’

The red pepper bro probably told him, ‘Broski. I served in Iraq, killed some Arabs, and it is my right to enjoy America’s National Past Time, and smoke some woobly McBoobly.’

Throughout the game this guy was telling people around him that he was going to be the first person to smoke weed at Target Field. I got up immediately with the intent of having security watch him take a hit. I approached security rather than the individual because I was fed up with his stupidity throughout the whole game. Security walked over to him with his smoking device in his hands and gave him a warning. HE DID NOT GET KICKED OUT! They did not even make him throw away his red pepper. The individual claimed it was “oregano”.

Should I do ?
Should I do in public?
Are red pepper pipes the future of bongs / pipes / MacGyver style weed smoking?

Is this bro the chillest bro on the planet, or just another ‘pot head’ who loves to ‘get lifted’?
Always thought u had to be discreet when ‘toking up’ some ‘funny grass’, but I guess in the Obama era, we are free to smoke a lil bit of wacky tobacky where ever we want 2.
What is the kewlest street name for marijuana?
Should America legalize weed to pay for education + healthcare?
Where is the craziest place u’ve ever done / got ‘lifted’?

Ariel Pink records new album in Tito Jackson’s old home studio/sex dungeon

Posted: 07 Apr 2010 07:35 AM PDT

Link: http://pitchfork.com/news/38401-ariel-pink


Ariel Pink’s upcoming album Before Today is one of the most anticipated leaks of 2010. Ariel Pink’s core group of fans haven’t purchased an album in 1-3 years, relying on illegal downloads to rate relevant albums before they are even formally released. Not sure if Before Today will be a critical or commercial success.


Apparently, the hit album Before Today was recorded in the home studio of , the least talented member of the Jackson 5. He is usually portrayed as the ‘most worthless’ Jackson family member, except for the abusive father. was the most talented member, but he apparently passed away in a drug suicide overdose last year. Not sure if had a sex dungeon, but I feel like I would probably have 1 if I was related to the King of Pop: Maybe any place that u make sweet tunes can be called a ’sex dungeon’ if you create something beautiful in it, since u create something beautiful (babies) when u have sex in a room / dungeon.

According to a press release, some of the 12-track album was recorded in ’s former home studio with Quincy Jones’ grandson Sunny Levine and Rik Pekkonen, whose past credits include Iggy Pop, Brian Wilson, and Ricky Martin (!).

Wonder if the new Ariel Pink is supposed to sound like /Brian Wilson/Ricky Martin/Quincy Jones/Rashida Jones.

Is the ‘most alt’ Jackson brother?
Will Ariel Pink’s new album help us move on from the death of ?
Is Ariel Pink more talented than ?

Should have gotten surgery to fix his nose and turn his skin white?
Have u downloaded the rapidshare / megaupload leak of Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti – Before Today .zip ?
Will Before Today let us down, or will it be the album of 2k10?

Hipster Puppies blog gets book deal, authored by Bitter Music Critic

Posted: 07 Apr 2010 06:03 AM PDT

Link: http://hipsterpuppies.tumblr.com/post/501014843/


Hipster Puppies is a viral meme tumblr blog that has existed for ~80 posts. It is the latest of many ‘hipster bashing’ / ‘hipster celebrating’ / low-end + post-high-end cutesy meme blogs that acquired a book deal. We can only assume that the book deal is worth somewhere between $500K-$100 million, based on an arbitrary pageview multiplier.

The blog is authored by a music critic known as Christopher R. Weingarten. In this video, you can witness his rant against the current state of the music blogosphere where every one has an opinion, and no single music critic is valued more. This has led to a shortage in paying jobs in the music writing economy, making it more difficult for ‘professional music opinion generators’ to live in an apartment that has cable + internet access.

Video content


Do u feel his pain? Is he ‘inspiring’? Does he ‘get’ the state of music in the modern world or does he ‘have his head up his own ass’?
Do u h8 him for expecting to get paid 4 writing about music? Do u h8 him for getting paid for blogging pix of puppies?
Are viral meme blogs more lucrative than trying to become an authentic writer?
Do people care more about cute memes than tons of words?
Are magazines + music critics dying?
Are young people ruining everything by stealing music and forming their own opinions on this music?

Would u rather look at a cute hipster puppy, or read an out-of-touch bloggers’ 50000 word manifesto on Animal Collective?

Would u rather spend the rest of ur life looking at Pitchfork reviews, or chilling on a desert island in an ecosystem of high-end alt puppies?

Might just chill with this altdog and listen to vintage music from a retro cassette label.

Do u need a music critic to tell u how to feel about music?
Do u have any good ideas for a meme blog that will get u a book deal?
Has it ever been ‘kewl’ to ‘look at effing hipsters’?
Do people care about ‘hipster criticism’ any more?
Would we rather just look at cute animals dressed as ‘hipsters’?
Does n e 1 deserve to get paid to write about music?
If I wrote an article about the death of hipsters / indie music, would n e 1 listen to me?
Are blog to books the future of the internet / literature?