Monday, March 1, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

CONSPIRACY THEORY: “MAJOR LAZER RACIST imagery EXPOSED & Dissected”

Posted: 01 Mar 2010 06:14 PM PST


Major Lazer is a dance sound project by Diplo and Switch. Their music videos + product have ‘come under fire’ for being ‘racist’ since the exploit a culture that is not their own/has black skin.  Some African Americans think that they are ‘racist ass holes.’

The video above is a semi-boring meme that diagrams the racist images deployed by their sound project:

This Documentary is composed of pics of Racist Imagery Created by the Group Known as Major Lazer (Diplo & Switch) taken on my iphone. Focusing on the 3 Major Lazer videos that are currently circulating around the Globe…We have come to the conclusion that the Group is Promoting Negative Stereotypes of the African Diaspora ie by Making Caribbean People seem as though they are Foolish Hyper-Sexual animalistic Sambo’s. We Have created this short Documentary to put an End to the Exploitation of Womyn and People of Color.

Worried abt ppl who ‘go 2 college’ and learn 2 much about cultural imagery.

Original Video:

Is Diplo a racist?
Are Tim & Eric racists?
Is Major Lazer a racist?
Should they have been 50% more racist by involving fried chicken, Kool Aid, AIDS, and gang violence if they wanted to really ’stir up’ a racial controversy?

Should Major Lazer perform in black face?
Are all white entertainers ‘racist’ since they are all trying 2 be Michael Jackson?
Is Major Lazer the most successful DJ duo since Justice?

Pitchfork comes under fire for controversial SXSW flyer, beer+buzz band parody meme

Posted: 01 Mar 2010 03:15 PM PST

Link: http://pitchfork.com/news/38040-pitchfork-invades-austin/


Do yall drink beer? Do yall listen 2 buzz bands? The popular website Pitchfork Media has created a SXSW flyer meme that is meant to appeal to beer drinkers who are in2 buzz bands.  SXSW hosts over 300,000 parties 1-2 weeks, so it is important to create flyer that generates ‘tons of internet buzz.’  Their flyer has come under intense scrutiny from buzz band fans, beer fans, and graphic designers from all over the world.

Wonder if the Neon Indian bro will be offended that they branded him as a brown skinned savage according to his little picture?

Worried that Pitchfork h8s Native American savages [via Cowboys and Injuns].

Is Memory Tapes really the ‘Stella’ of bands? Is Best Coast the ‘Blue Moon’ of buzz bands?

Washed Out = Coors Light?  Never tried it, but have heard it was a watered down frat boy beer.

Are these beer memes ‘half assed’ by a design intern, or did they ‘waste money’ by hiring a creative agency 2 do this? Do yall think that this flyer is better than the identity work done for the Videogum + Stereogum brands?

We can only assume that this flyer was made to ‘go viral’, but more importantly, appeal to the non-music fans who are in the Austin Area for SXSW. It seems like they will probably be technology bros who ‘like premium beers.’ They will see this flyer, then think that there will be premium beer for free if they attend.

The Windish Agency is one of the elite alternative booking companies for most relevant artists. We can only assume that this party collaboration with Pitchfork represents some sort of monopoly/collusion between two mega entities in the indiesphere.

FULL DISCLOSURE: Miller Lite is an official sponsor of SXSW. Do yall think they feel left out of this flyer, or are they ‘pissed’ that all of these other beers get ‘mad representation’?

Will these beer companies ’sue the fuck out of Pitchfork’ for parodying/exploiting their brands?
Will any of these buzz bands replace their logos with one of these brand parodies?
Will a buzz band denounce their
What is the worst flyer in the history of the world?
Do yall support of denounce this flyer?
Is Pitchfork going to try 2 ‘take over’ Texas during SXSW? Worried about this imagery.

The ‘Most Marketable’ Winter Olympians Whose Personal Brands make ‘the most bank’

Posted: 01 Mar 2010 02:44 PM PST


I just read a blog post photogallery about the ‘Most Marketable’ Olympians of the Vancouver Olympics. It sorta made me think about how ‘important’ / ‘relevant’ / ‘irrelevant’ the Olympics are. From what I understand, the Olympics have merged into a month long branding experiment. Sorta like an infomercial for a city / country / sport / human / athlete / brand. The Olympic games can provide enough memes to hold the world over for 1 month every year. Fortunately/unfortunately, the internet gives zany sports the opportunity to ‘grow’, kinda like the curling effect. In the modern world, humans like to talk abt the TV that they are watching while they are chillin on their laptops [via twitter].

Wonder who were the most important Winter Olympic athletes. If I had a Fortune 500 company, would I hire a Winter Olympic athlete who competes every 4 years to ‘represent’ my brand. Not sure if the Winter Olympics are genuinely inspiring to people. Michael Phelps was a chill summer olympian, but he is known more for being a Tiger Woods-type bro who just loves to do mad drugs and bang strippers + escorts. I would probably just hire an NBA or NFL player if I had a brand that needed an athlete ambassador, but if I lived in some sort of place like Asia or Europe, I might try to ‘cut a small deal’ with an Olympic athlete who balled over all.

Are winter Olympic athletes marketable?

Charlie White & Meryl Davis, USA ice dancing couple


From what I understand, it will always be ‘funny’ to make fun of ‘flamers prancing around on ice.’ Just another fascinating sport where we always struggle to understand how ppl devote their lives’ to something so ‘absurd.’  Ice Dancing is apparently even ‘gheyer’ than figure skating, since they just dance, and don’t do extreme jumps where accidents can happen.

Shani Davis, USA speedskater


This bro is apparently one of the best at his sport of all time, but he is ‘too humble’ to brand himself like Usain Bolt and Michael Johnson as ‘the fastest man in the world.’ It seems sad. Sort of want a flamboyant African American diva bro ‘pissing off’ all of the other irrelevant countries who actually ‘care’ about the sport. Hopefully the USA starts more innercity speed skating programs.

Cheryl Bernard, Canada (curling)


Curling is apparently the second most popular sport in Canada behind hockey. This female broad has been branded as the ‘cougar’ of the sport, since she is mad hot + looks like she is down 2 fuck after baking you and your bros some rice krispie treats. I am not sure if curling is an ‘alt’ sport, or if it more like an SNL digital short starting Andy Samberg–something ‘funny’ that mainstreamers can rally around.

Mirai Nagasu, USA


From what I understand, America doesn’t have any talented female figure skaters right now, but sponsors will probably invest in this girl for the next Olympics. I think it helps that she is AZN because they are more dedicate to ‘training’, but she probably won’t be able to handle ‘flopping’ if she chokes.   I wonder if Dominque Moceanu is the ‘gold standard’ of lolita female American Olympians.

Joannie Rochette, Canada


I think she had a good Olympics for her long term brand because her mom died, and it made her personal story 400% more compelling. Even though she lost her mom, u can’t help but think that her mom is smiling down from heaven, watching her daughter get ‘mad endorsement deals.’

Torah Bright, Australia, halfpipe


She apparently chills in the halfpipe [via Shaun White snowboarder]. She is from Australia, and I am not sure if it snows there, so her story might not be very believable.  I think Australia just doesn’t have very much going on, so they need as many celebs as possible to inspire their nation to believe that they will ‘make it’ off the island.  I feel like the Sydney Olympics was the #1 moment in the history of their country, at least from a branding perspective.

Mao Asada, Japan


She is a figure skater in Japan, and I think this confirms the theory that AZNs are really intrigued by figure skaters and cats. It seems like the ultimate tween sensation in an AZN country would probably be an ice skater who sings jap pop and also has an anime cartoon show.  I think that most famous Japanese people get endorsement deals for point and shoot cameras.

Lee Jung-Su, South Korea


One of the most interesting things about the Olympics is when you find out that a country ‘cares too much’ about a sport that isn’t real/doesn’t matter. The South Koreans apparently consider speed skating to be their ‘national past time.’ They h8 the American Apolo Anton Ohno, since he is apparently a cheater who pushes people over in order to win medals. Hopefully North Korea starts a speed skating team so that we can see some ‘real drama’ go down.

Bode Miller, USA


Bode Miller was marketed by Nike as a skier who ‘doesn’t care about competition.’ He tried to brand himself as the chill bro of professional athletes, then chilled too hard and had a terrible Olympics, making him less marketable. Apparently skiing is ‘big in Europe’ so he makes ‘mad bank’ with European brands in the Euro circuit, but we only care about him in America if he wins medals.

Alex Bilodeau, Canada


You can’t just go to the Olympics with a boring personal story. There has to be something ’sad’ about ur life that u overcame. This bro has a brother who has cerebral palsy. Even though you wish his brother could live a healthy life, u kinda wonder if he will enable him to live a more lucrative life since his personal brand is more identifiable than just being a ‘gold medal winner.’

Lindsey Vonn, USA


Every Olympics needs a ’sexy blonde’ to market, even if she isn’t that talented. Apparently, Lindsey Vonn is semi-good at skiing, so she will make ‘mad bank.’ I think she appeals to old white men in a Peyton Manning kind of way, sorta like people who honestly believe that their ‘Anglo’ blood rules the world and resent colored athletes.

Hongbo Zhao & Xue Shen, China


China loves a winner even more than America loves a winner, since they utilize Olympic triumphs as propaganda 2 brainwash their citizens who are trapped in their communist society.. These two people are like 40 years old, but unretired and won gold. While the rest of the world prefers a ‘youthful’ personal brand, I think the Chinese prefer old people because they represent ‘wisdom.’ In my opinion, I would rather hire a cute lil AZN girl to represent my brand instead of these two, because they look too much like ‘working class’ AZNs.

Evan Lysacek, USA


I think that this bro is the ‘Adam Lambert’ of figure skating. He apparently wears Vera Wang designed outfits. From what I understand, figure skaters make minimal money from endorsement deals in America because no body takes them seriously. They make more money from the touring circuit when they get to say they were ‘in the Olympics.’ I wonder if the Olympics pay their winners money. It seems likely that they basically just get a ‘free dorm room’ and buffet style meals, but that’s about it.

Sidney Crosby, Canada Hockey


This bro has been branded as ‘the next Wayne Gretzky.’ Even though he looks like a weiner and is one of the most boring athletes of all time, he scored an ‘important goal’ which probably means he fulfilled his destiny. Not sure if Canada is an important market to companies, so maybe his brand won’t even be exploited.

Apolo Anton Ohno, USA


Apolo Anton Ohno has one of the most identifiable soul patches in the world, making his brand as an Olympic ambassador priceless. It also helps that he has a silly name that u will remember forever. I don’t think Americans really care about short track peed skating, but the sport is ‘exciting’ in a random and meaningless way. Since he has won a lot of medals, we are proud of him. A lot of alternative people support him because of his AT&T commercial scored by the XX.

Kim Yu-Na, South Korea


This AZN tween is apparently the Miley Cyrus of South Korea. She can’t go anywhere without causing mass tween hysteria. In South Korea, the concept of a ‘celebrity’ is amazing since all AZNs look the same. I think this Samsung commercial is a good indicator of ‘what she represents’ to the female tween in South Korea.

Would yall rather be a tween sensation in Asia or America?
Sorta obsessed with her brand.

Here she is selling milk to AZNs even though they are usually lactose intolerant:

Here she is selling mini refrigerators that fit into tiny Asian homes, since they don’t have enough real estate there.

A lot of Americans wish that they could be a successful, muscular black athlete. It seems like it might be more fulfilling to be a talented South Korean who had to move to Canada to escape ‘fame’ in her home land. (Wish I could be a talented tween sensation.)

Shaun White, USA, snowboarding bro with curly, healthy hair


From what I understand, Shaun White is the new Tony Hawk. He has an extreme brand which appeals to extreme kids / teens. While I don’t think snowboarding is a ‘real sport’, sometimes those sports are the most marketable sports, since tons of kids don’t connect with traditional sports because they resent their father. If you ‘hate your dad’ because of your parents’ divorce, it makes sense that you would rather be a professional skateboarder/snowboarder instead of a professional baseball player.

Shaun White’s major contribution to society is designing clothes for free spirited kids which are sold at Target.  He is also dominant at his young sport, so he gets to ‘invent’ new tricks on his snow board.

Sorta just wish I could be a boy tween again, and my mom could buy me ‘Air Jordans’ / mass produced Shaun White gear. I heard it replaced Mossimo as Target’s #1 grossing tween apparel product.

Maybe Shaun White has identified the 3 major clothing groups that all tween boys need:

  • graphic tees
  • plaid shirts
  • hoodies

He seems like he might be the ‘Warren Buffet/Steve Jobs/ Bill Gates’ of tween boy casual wear. Just a chill ‘role model’ who parents don’t mind buying from, since he has won some gold medals at the Olympics / X Games.

Maybe ‘extreme’ sport athletes are so popular because their sports are easy to turn into video games. Does any 1 know how ’stoners’ have been able to transform their extreme sports into highly lucrative brands? If I start an energy drink company, then sign a few skaters / snowboarders, will I be guaranteed success?

Feel more confused than ever about the Olympics. It is like this celebration of cultures from all over the world, but also some sort of competition where we try to figure out whose brand will be the most valuable to a Fortune 500 / niche company.

Are the Winter Olympics a positive experience?
If ur city wins an Olympic games, will ur city ever recover from the massive amounts of debt?
Are the Olympics ‘fucking boring’?
Did Canada benefit from hosting the Olympics?
Are the summer olymps better than the winties?
Is Shaun White more important than Tony Hawk?
Who is the most alternative athlete?
Are Olympians insane for devoting their entire lives’ to
Are you more valuable to your country if u r an American gold medal winner or an Asian/Russian Gold Medal Winner?
Do the Olympics not matter any more bc the Cold War is over?
Should Nike purchase the rights to Shaun White?
What Olympic athlete would u purchase to perform at your child’s birthday party?

Apple enslaves children+teens to create iPods, iPhones, and Macbooks

Posted: 01 Mar 2010 09:57 AM PST

Links: http://www.nydailynews.com/money/2010/03/01/2010-03-01_apple__maker_of_populuar_iphone_ipod__admits_to_using_child_labor_in_some_of_its.html


Apple has confirmed that they hired AZN teens + tweens to craft their iPods. Unfortunately, they only had 15 teen workers on the books, but the company probably could have had better margins for last quarter if the had paid teen workers with iPhones and iPod touches pre-loaded with ‘App Store’ gift certificates.

I am not sure if this is a ‘bad thing’, since teens love to get summer jobs in America. I feel like tons of teens would love the opportunity to make iPods + iPhones.

Basic information:

Parts of your iPod or iPhone could have been manufactured by a child.

At least eleven 15-year-old kids were working in three factories that supply Apple, according to the Telegraph.

Apple, which has factories in the Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, the Czech Republic, the United States, Taiwan and Singapore, would not release information about the specific factories using child labor. It did, however, say that it no longer employs children in its factories.

Do yall respect Apple for employing children? Do yall feel sad that the hands of children were used 2 make iPods instead of playing with them / sexting with them?

Should I get a vintage Macbook Air or an iPad?

Do yall think that Apple ‘enslaves’ people when they work at an Apple Store?  What’s the difference between labor, child labor, slavery, and indentured servitude?

Should we make more children work if they aren’t going to do anything productive within society when they grow up?
Should we organize some sort of ‘protest’ outside of an Apple Store?
Should we pay American teens to make iPods instead of AZN / Pacific Islander teens?

“Work will set yall free.”

HypeMachine has a vintage post-ironic CD swapping party.

Posted: 01 Mar 2010 09:13 AM PST

Link: http://newyork.metromix.com/music/essay_photo_gallery/hype-machine-show-cd/1786082/content


Hype Machine is attempting to build a ‘real life’ extension of their internet brand by holding organic meetups in relevant cities. Their latest New York City party was an opportunity for people to ’swap’ used CDs. It seems like this might have just been an ironic slap in the face of the industry that they are killing. While the spirit of CD swapping seems to be ‘fun’, we can’t help but think this is some sort of

Just hangin out, swapping CDs.  Not sure if these bros still buy CDs or if they still ‘cherry pick’ off hypemachine.

Drinkin 4 a cause.  Does that mean I should get something more expensive than PBR?

Gettin my nametag on.  Running game.

We also listened to live music instead of just streaming borderline illegal mp3s on hypemachine.

Wonder if the Morning Benders are more authentic ‘live’ or in mp3/vimeo format

Glad I finally swapped my Dookie CD for the Blues Brothers 2000 soundtrack.

Does this party seem chill, or would u rather stay in and download mp3 blogs all day?
Is the hypemachine encouraging the free spirit of music, or were they just trying to make the CD seem more ‘dated’ than ever?
Have u ever swapped used CDs, or do u just sell them back 2 a Used Records Store?
Have u ever attended a meetup of a thriving internet community? Did u make new friends or feel more alone+insecure than evr?

FOLLOW UP: Video Footage of American Apparel Protesting Broads

Posted: 01 Mar 2010 06:25 AM PST


In one of the most controversial posts in the history of the Alt Report entitled “Some mainstream feminist cunts protest American Apparel's sexy ads“, we followed the story of some feminists who took great offense to American Apparel’s Best Butt competition.  They marched into an Am Appy store and got kicked out, caused a scene, and did generic protesty stuff.

New video footage of the event has emerged.  In this youtube clip, you can see that they ‘really mean’ what they are saying.  It is not just some ‘act’ to promote an on campus event by creating a larger internet meme.  They are innovative thought leaders who will inspire a wave of ‘backlash’ against Am Appy.   Do u think she is an impressive orator, or just another ‘naggy, whining female’?

Do u think she is giving an insightful, informed speech, or do u just want to stick an American Apparel scrunchie in her mouth 2 ’shut her pie hole’?

<3/h8 yall Am Appy Protester meme humans

Was this a successful protest?
Should they have worn something sexier 2 get more attention?
Will women ever be ‘equal to’ men?
If u r a man, is peeing standing up empowering 2 u?
Will a ‘total revolution’ against men + American Apparel ever occur, or is a war with Iran more likely?

Is Animal Collective trying to shut down music blogs?

Posted: 28 Feb 2010 08:16 PM PST

Link: http://chocolatebobka.blogspot.com/2008/10/animal-collective-listening-party.html


Last Friday, a popular internet music weblog, Chocolate Bobka received a Blogger DMCA takedown notification since he posted bootlegged tracks by the popular internet indie band Animal Collective. This was ‘devastating news’, particularly after Blogger went on a controversial deletion spree, deleting blogs that had violated digital rights multiple times. Many MP3 bloggers find that this big brother-esque policy is unfair since some of these tracks are authorized, or at least ‘widely distributed’ on the internet.

Many bloggers and websites feel responsible for ‘creating’ Animal Collective with authentic internet blog buzz and coverage.  This is possibly the biggest scandal in the history of internet music, since it seems like Animal Collective is ‘fighting back’ against the forces that theoretically ‘made’ them.

Here is a critical email that the Alt Report received from the Chocolate Bobka blogger describing the situation:

Hey,

So. Here’s the deal. I went to the AnCo MPP Listening Party (thrown by Domino) on October 28th 2008 in NYC. 14 blog years ago. I then wrote up my ‘thoughts’ about the ‘experience’/'album’ on CB. (Here: http://chocolatebobka.blogspot.com/2008/10/animal-collective-listening-party.html)

At the bottom of the post I posted two mp3s that had been ‘floating’ around the WWW for months. They were from a widely circulated Lisbon, Portugal bootleg. The same show is available, for free, to download, in FLAC, on Archive.org. (here: http://www.archive.org/details/acollective2008-05-28.4061.flac16) DMCA/Blogger took down the post (made it a ‘draft’) claiming “certain content in your blog is alleged to infringe upon the copyrights of others.” I then took out the old links, and added a link to the Archive DL. This shit is so whack. Ha.

McG
ChocolateBobka.com
The-Report.org

In a previous interview with the Irish State Magazine, Noah Lennox goes on record, claiming that he supports fans sharing bootlegs:

Fans of the band have taken to documenting these gigs the old fashioned way – through bootlegging. Animal Collective are only too happy to let that continue – "It feels really good man," Noah enthuses. "To realise people are so hyped on it that they are downloading bootlegs and trading tapes and all that. I know for some of the guys in the band – with bands like Pavement and Grateful Dead – they were part of a community who would trade tapes and stuff. So they are psyched they are doing that with our music too. It'd good that people care and like the music so much to do that kind of thing. "

If AnCo is chill with bootlegging,why do u think they are ‘going after’ mp3 blogs for posting their material?  Will blogs be scared to post Animal Collective in the future?  Posting premature bootlegs + youtube videos of early Animal Collective and Panda Bear work has been critical in building buzz for their releases.   It seems like the whole internet web marketing game is completely changing as artists  protect their digital rights.

Is AnCo ‘coming after’ blogs + alt internet websites?
Should all Mp3 blogs move off Blogger?
Do artists have the right to ‘protect their music’, or should they embrace the blogosphere?
Will Animal Collective ‘come after’ Pitchfork for embedding their music on their website?
Are indie bands no longer in control of their own brand?
Will major label watch dogs prevent the free proliferation of music in the future [via premature album leaks]?
Does this mean we are no longer ‘on the same team’ with Animal Collective?

Should we just blame their record label, DOMINO RECORDS?
Is AnCo the Metallica of indie music?