Thursday, September 2, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Kings Of Leon hires choir of black children to make their new mp3 sound ‘more soulful.’

Posted: 02 Sep 2010 04:13 PM PDT


From what I have read, hiring a children’s choir to join your band makes your music sound ‘more meaningful.’ It inspires some sort of euphoric, spiritual vibe, helping u to reconnect with nostalgic images of youth, or something. It is also a ‘great PR move’ to have black kids sing in a choir if you are a white band. This will help u appeal to people who have ‘white guilt’ & help you crossover to the hiphop market, but you do risk alienating the ‘white supremacist’ demographic.

Seems chill that the Bros of Leon decided to ‘hire some black kids’ for their new hit single. Kinda hope it sounds like Justice [via D.A.N.C.E.] Didn’t hear the song, just thought this vid was funny, like it was made in 1996 or something. They seem ‘serious’ about their sound. Excited to be the #1 bro rock band in the USA.

Kinda pumped about the Kings of Leon’s new album. Hoping that they can ‘make the leap’ and ‘beat the shit out of’ Coldplay, Radiohead, and U2. We really need an American band to be ‘the #1 band in the world.’ Tired of this UK-invasion-wave. Relieved that all of the chillwavers are random Americans from miscellaneous ass cracks of the USA.

Do the Kings Of Leon ‘sound like Douchebros’?
Do u wish u could hire some black kids 2 make ur life seem more soulful?
Do u h8 the Kings of Leon?
Will the Kings of Leon ‘make the leap’ 2 the ultimate mnstrm?
Should I just ‘ride the sister act wave’ [via Whoopi Goldberg]?

Are children’s choirs ‘gimmicks’?
Do the kings of leon look ‘hot’?
Should indie bands start ‘working out’ 2 get buff + become dude bro rock stars?

Is Will Smith an ‘ass hole’ 4 hiring his son to seem more meaningful/soulful?

Could u ‘use somebody’, some African American childrens choir?

Lone Bro Chills alone in room, wears bro hat, wishes he was broing with bros

Posted: 02 Sep 2010 02:24 PM PDT


Just a bro
chilling in a bro hat
don’t mind me.
Just chilling
in the glow of my laptop screen

Sometimes I wish I had real bros
going 2 the mall with them
buying merch / retail items with them
Hitting up relevant suburban hot spots with them

Other times, I am happy that my bros are all digital
chilling on the internet
Chatting whenever we want
no such thing as a bed time

Real life bros are sometimes hard 2 manage
Bros are insecure
Feelings get hurt
But I am the lonebro
[via not alone]
[via via the internet]

vibing out on blogs, message boards, and social networks
searching for buzzbands
LOLing @ memes

I wear my bro hat proudly
There are no bros around me
but at the same time
There are bros all around me

~~~~BROING IT ALL AROUND~~~~~~~~

Do u ever feel alone, like u don’t have any bros?
or does the internet make u feel ‘not alone’?

Some a-hole writes book abt how teens are inauthentic Christians, calls them ‘hipster X-tians’

Posted: 02 Sep 2010 12:28 PM PDT

Link: http://edition.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/27/almost.christian/#fbid=jLve2aFNH6_&wom=false


In high school, it seems like there is usually a ‘group of Christians teens’ who love 2 get together and talk about God, play acoustic guitar, and gather in some1′s parent’s huge, upper-middle class house [via being able to buy a huge house due to low property values in suburbia]. The event is usually catered with un-smart snacks and mediocre baked goods, because teen metabolisms can handle any type of food. Many question if these teens ‘truly love God’, or if they are just getting together for social reasons. Since these kids are usually white and rich, they love 2 ‘drink and fuck’, and just try to seem ‘holier than thou’ cuz they chill out in youth groups while some 24 year old counselor bro ‘talks about God’ with them + throws down some Jack Johnson-like acoustic duets. Hella ‘inauthentic’ cuz tweens just wanna be teens–they don’t rlly care about God.

Seems like there is usually a ‘rival group of alt Atheists’ who want to point out these Christians are ‘full of shit’ and that they ‘don’t really believe in God’–they are just searching for some sort of moral approval + opportunity to gather in their ‘rich white social circles.’

What were ur religious beliefs like in high school and what are they like now? Did yall h8 going to church as a kid, realizing that it was a mainstream process that wasn’t really an effective use of time?

Anyways, some1 wrote a book about this phenomenon of ‘inauthentic Christians’ because they ‘compiled data’/interviewed teens who are ‘Christians.’ Not sure why they called them ‘hipster christians’. Must be some sort of commentary on ‘the hollowness of hipsters’ or something.

She interviewed teens about their faith after helping conduct research for a controversial study called the National Study of Youth and .

The study, which included in-depth interviews with at least 3,300 American teenagers between 13 and 17, found that most American teens who called themselves Christian were indifferent and inarticulate about their faith.

The study included Christians of all stripes — from Catholics to Protestants of both conservative and liberal denominations. Though three out of four American teenagers claim to be Christian, fewer than half practice their faith, only half deem it important, and most can’t talk coherently about their beliefs, the study found.

Seems like tweens are ‘too stupid, and self-obsessed’ to be actual Christian. Makes sense. Teens don’t really ‘like’ anything, u just sorta have to construct trends for them to buy into for that window of their lives’. Christianity seems ‘the same as the ’/'an alt buzzband.’

Seems like teens only know how to talk about sex, money, material things, people they h8, and other inane things. Unfortunately, they don’t really ‘get’ authentic Christianity.

Many teenagers thought that God simply wanted them to feel good and do good — what the study’s researchers called “moralistic therapeutic deism.”

Some critics told Dean that most teenagers can’t talk coherently about any deep subject, but Dean says abundant research shows that’s not true.

“They have a lot to say,” Dean says. “They can talk about money, sex and their family relationships with nuance. Most people who work with teenagers know that they are not naturally inarticulate.”

Sad that my church doesn’t have the social tools to help me deal with real life/teen issues. Wish I understood why life was so unfair. Why did my parents get divorced? Why won’t they buy me an iPhone? Why do I only have a pay-as-you-go phone? H8 the Lord God Bro for not explaining these things 2 me [in 140 characters or less]

Corrie, echoing the author of “Almost Christian,” says the gospel of niceness can’t teach teens how to confront tragedy.

“It can’t bear the weight of deeper questions: Why are my parents getting a divorce? Why did my best friend commit suicide? Why, in this economy, can’t I get the good job I was promised if I was a good kid?”

Seems like God really needs a twitter account, or need to learn to offer text + chat based prayer answering services. He might have to outsource some work to India, and it might hurt his American Brand.

Can u blame Christian parents for creating inauthentic Christian kids?

Did ur parents ‘drag 2 church’?
Did it help cultivate ur faith, or did it just make u feel like ‘Church is for mainstreamers’?

Wish my parents would have ‘done something simple’ to show me the ‘way of the Lord’. Seems like maybe they were ‘too middle class’ to be able to prove what it meant 2 be a Christian:

She says parents who perform one act of radical faith in front of their children convey more than a multitude of sermons and mission trips.

A parent’s radical act of faith could involve something as simple as spending a summer in Bolivia working on an agricultural renewal project or turning down a more lucrative job offer to stay at a struggling church, Dean says.

But it’s not enough to be radical — parents must explain “this is how Christians live,” she says.

“If you don’t say you’re doing it because of your faith, kids are going to say my parents are really nice people,” Dean says. “It doesn’t register that faith is supposed to make you live differently unless parents help their kids connect the dots.”

Feel like I woulda turned out to be an authentic member of God’s white army if my parents ‘manned up’, gave up their middle class jobs, and chilled out in Central America teaching ‘dumb Mexicans’ about the way of the Lord/white man. Feel pissed @ my parents for not getting me on the path towards God.

Do u believe teen Christians are ‘inauthentic’?
Are teens ‘authentic followers/fans’ of any trend, brand, band, or ?
Should teens feel ‘empowered’ or should all humans be required to own some type of property before they are allowed to vote/have an opinion?

Should I join a national youth group network, such as YOUNG LIFE? Will I be able to connect with a group of likeminded tweens, or is facebook a better way 2 talk abt life + trends with tangible humans?

Should I go on some sort of hiking/skiing trip with my youth group, sneak out late at night, get ‘effing drunk’ and obtain my first ‘beej’?

Should I decide not to go to college, and just become a ‘youth group leader’ so that my parents ‘get off my back’ for being a societal failure because they will just think that I am ‘serving the Lord’ and if they question me they will be ‘spawns of Satan bro’?

Do yall know any ‘hipster Christians’?
Should I buy the book “Hipster Christianity” or does it look like a crappy blog post turned into a book?

Do u think this author abused the word ‘hipster’ just to get ‘blog buzz’?
Is ‘hipster’ an adequately descriptive word, or are book titles just constructed to ‘get mad hits’?
Is it ‘alt’ to be Christian?
Have yall ever been in a prayer circle that involved an acoustic guitar and a dead-end 20 something wearing a Northface fleece?
Are you a former mainstreamer who ‘used’ Christianity as a way to get ur parents off ur back?
Are all authentic alts post-god?
Should God take out ‘banner ads’ on alt blogs to reach ‘the hipster demographic’?
Do alts ‘believe in God’, are they ‘atheists’, or just ‘hella chill agnostic bros’?
What do u believe in?
Is God real, or just ‘bullshit’?

CNN writes article 4 parents abt how to fix spoiled tween behavior

Posted: 02 Sep 2010 09:02 AM PDT

Link: http://articles.cnn.com/2010-09-01/living/p.rude.tween.behavior_1_tween-parenting-skills-kids


From what I understand, tweens have ‘behavioral issues’ cuz their bodies are changing, and because they feel ‘alone’ cuz every1 at school fits in. With technology, texting, sexting, and yotube facebook, it is difficult for a tween to sort through the noise and find his or her identity. Unfortunately, most parents are inept, and don’t realize what is going on, so they basically ruin a kid in their formative tween years.

CNN.com, a blog for middle american liberals, published tips on ‘how to fix ur broken/spoiled’ tween.

The story starts out with a ‘personal story’ to get the reader invested in the situation

When my daughter, Anna, got home from school the other day, I told her, “We’ve got to get you new shoes. Take a quick break, and then let’s jump in the car. ”

In response, my usually mellow and mild-mannered 12-year-old threw down her backpack and snapped, “Oh. My. God. I JUST got home and you’re not EVEN gonna let me rest for five minutes? FINE! LET’S GO! ”

“NO! I have to get in the car. COME ON!”

“Hey, calm down. You can rest a minute…”

“YOU rest! I’ve got to go somewhere NOW!” And she slammed out the door.

“What’s wrong with her?” my 8-year-old asked.

“I think the hormones have arrived, ” I said.

“What the…?!”

H8 Anna. Wish she could just chill.

Do yall feel ‘hurt’ when ur tween gets angsty, or do u know he/she is just being a lil bitch, and u have to break them down, letting them know that ur ‘the fucking boss’?

When your tween starts talking back, or yelling at you, or rolling her eyes every time you start to open your mouth, you’re bound to feel shock, then maybe anger, followed closely by hurt.


Tired of tweens ‘making excuses’ about their bodies changing + searching for some sort of social identity. Wish they’d realize that we all are searching 4 the same thing. We gotta stop taking these kids seriously:

This may be especially true if it seems that your kid has gone from happy to snappy before her time. After all, this is the kind of behavior you expect from 13- and 14-year-olds — not kids who haven’t even hit the double digits. But the onset of sassiness is not your fault.

With adolescence looming, kids naturally feel compelled to start going their own way.

“They’re not intentionally being disobedient,” says Mary-Ann Lowry, a parenting coach and educator from Thousand Oaks, California. “They’re on a path toward ‘individuation,’ when they really try to figure out who they are separate from you.”

Do yall know how to punish a tween? Take away his XBOX /Macbook.

Choose a tween-appropriate punishment for infractions

When your child was a toddler or preschooler — or maybe even as recently as a year ago — you could pretty much get her to do what you wanted with positive reinforcement (praising her for being good, showering her with stickers) and the occasional time-out.

With a tween, however, most parents find they have to bring out the big guns; very few older kids are likely to change their behavior based on, say, the promise of an ice cream cone if they can go a week without stomping around the house.

“I find that taking away a favorite activity, like their Xbox or cell phone, is the best punishment when my kids talk back or mumble something rude under their breath,” says San Diego mom Dana Hess, who has a 10- and a 14-year-old. Whatever you do decide, she warns, follow through. “Once you don’t do what you say, they’ll take total advantage, and you’ll lose your upper hand again.”


So tired of parents ‘treating their tweens’ like they are ‘more than animals who need to be house-broken.’ Don’t over-analyze it, just ‘take off ur belt’, get out a paddle, and don’t be afraid to turn that little ass red with pain / lashes. Michael Jackson turned out alright, and his dad beat him and the family ‘on the reg.’

Think this is the worst advice possible. Stop acknowledging their feelings. Tell them to make straight A’s and they’ll have permission to be an individual when they get a full ride to a public/private university.

Along the same vein, be ready to talk when your tween needs to. Sometimes Anna will wander in while I’m working on the computer to lament some schism with a friend at school, say. I’ll make a pointed effort to stop what I’m doing and pay complete attention to what she’s telling me.

Even 20 minutes of focused conversation, I’ve found, does a lot of good, showing her that I do care about what she’s going through and that I take it seriously.

If I’m right in the middle of something, I’ll make an “appointment” to meet with her downstairs in half an hour. I’ll put on the kettle (in our household, a cup of tea represents calm and comfort), and we’ll talk about whatever’s on her mind then.

Do tweens have real feelings?
Are u tired or over-parenting?
R u worried about raising a spoiled tween?
How can u keep ur kid from finding out about ‘individuality’ and just keep them on the track towards ‘success’?
Do parents need to stop ‘babying’ their kids so they don’t turn into worthless 20somethings?
Should tweens be banned from TV, internet, vlogging, youtube, and ‘real life’ privileges?
What tips would u give to parents who have spoiled tweens?

Jonas Brothers go 2 Subway, hornie tween girls ruin $5 footlong vibes

Posted: 02 Sep 2010 06:21 AM PDT

Link: http://oceanup.com/2010/08/22/jonas-brothers-subway-meeting


Just wanted to grab a bite 2 eat
chill out on a $5 footlong
ride the Subway diet wave
But then 2 unchill hornie girl tweens
ruined our vibe

h8 being famous
h8 being a tween icon
h8 that there aren’t any high-end luxury boutique subways where u can eat ur sandy in privacy/luxury

Was thinking about going with Meatball marinara sub
but then changed my mind
and got a Chicken & Bacon Ranch
and a cold cut combo for later

Not sure what kinda bread 2 get
Maybe ‘whole wheat’
possibly parmesan oregano
Honey Oat bread seems chill
Just want my sandwich 2 represent me.

So many types of cheeses//so many fun toppics
might add avocado wedges for $5 extra

Just wanted a healthy meal
on the go alternative 2 ‘fast food’
was standing in line, having a minority make my sandwich
thought ‘shit’ when they soaked my sandwich with mustard
shoulda been more specific with my order
but thought they woulda got pissed

So many choices
Turkey Melt
Veggie Delite® [via Freeganism]
Black Forest Ham
Turkey Breast
Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki
Roast Beef
SUBWAY CLUB®
Oven Roasted Chicken
Turkey Breast & Black Forest Ham

Feel confuse when they ask me if I want it ‘toasted’ then they put it in some sort of extreme microwave
sometimes I wish I could ride the Quizno’s Wave or something
Getting that shit toasted ‘authentically’
oh Subbie…

Just wanna chill out
munch on my sandwich
grab a bag of chips
Maybe some Lay’s, Kettle chips, or even Sun chips
and chill out on a cookie

Gotta lose some weight
inspired by Jared
following in the footsteps of thousands of middle americans
who thought they could lose weight by eating foot long sandwiches on the reg

Miss u authentic Jared

Do yall eat at Subway?
What sandwich do u get?
R u on the ‘Subway diet’?
What is the most authentic sandwich chain?
Quizno’s? Jimmy John’s? Schlotzky’s? Which Wich? Panera Bread? Chili’s 2 Go?
IS $5 for a footlong a ‘rip off’ because Subway gives u ‘crappy’ ingredients/toppings/meats/iceberg lettuce?

LIVEBLOGGING THE APPLE IPAD PHONE SHUFFLE PING RELEASE

Posted: 01 Sep 2010 06:24 PM PDT

7:00 PM greetings yall! chillin at the Apple Store on Mars. Soo futuristic. Huge announcements coming today….

Photos by Engadget

7:01 PM The guy in front of me just sharted in his pants… ewwww…

7:03 PM Alright, Steve Jobs just came out. He looks super cute today <3 him.

7:04 PM SteveBro says ‘huge announcements’ coming up 2day… mad pumped… but worried I will have to replace all of my .

7:06 The guy from Coldplay just showed up. Every1 is pissed. Booed his ass off stage. Haha. See u in Hell Chris Marty.

7:08 Just watched Steve Jobs kick some1 out for using a Dell laptop. Gotta love him.

7:10 First big announcement–new iPod shuffles. They look sleek as hell. Gonna get me 1 of those. Has a new touch screen interface, camera, and wifi.

7:12 Apple announces old iPod shuffles will be sold in vending machines for 25 cents – $1. Many will be donated to Africa [via Product RED]

7:12:30 Feist does a ‘flash mob’ to try to get her old job back at the Toronto Apple Store

7:13 Steve Jobs announces that Apple built a ‘facebook for music’ where people can connect

7:15 Outlines ‘what makes it unique’ + seems ‘destined for success’

7:16 Apple announces it will acquire winamp, the hypemachine, and last.fm, just 4 shits

7:19 Apple announces new HD TV monitor that comes bundled with Time Warner / Comcast cable

7:24 Says that every ABC and FOX series from 1999-2010 will come ‘pre-loaded’ on ur TV’s hard drive

7:26 Announces that Apple will be purchasing youtube, netflix, flickr and many other social networks

7:27 Steve admits that he ‘loves getting blazed’ and utilizing Netflix ‘watch instantly’

7:30 keeps utilizing annoying powerpoint effects, wasting every1′s time. ppl keep groaning.

7:45 Bums every1 out, announces that the TVs will only last for 40 hours, then u have to buy a new 1

7:50 INTERMISSION
FREE SUNCHIPS
FREE BOLOGNA SANDWICHES
FREE APPLE SODA (private beta product) sample

7:55 Steve shows off his new tween GF on his iPhone.  Soo hot. loves it! Says he uses ‘facetime’ to make love 2 her on the reg.


8:00 Apple announces that it is purchasing ‘live music venues’ so that iTunes can have a bigger market share. Their goal is to book the world’s biggest bands and encourage people to use iTunes to purchase concert tickets.

8:04 Steve starts talking about buzzbands. Talks about his love for Vampire Weekend, the Arcade Fire and John Mayer

8:06 Kirsten Kennis ‘crashes the stage’ with a lawyer, ‘serves’ Apple for using her image to sell their products

8:10 Kirsten Kennis’s daughter is offered a ‘full scholarship’ to Apple University School of Geniuses and Kirsten ‘settles’ out of court with Apple Inc

8:11 It turns out Kirsten Kennis also gets to develop her own product as a part of the settlement. She develops the ‘iWatch’, which is kinda like an iPod attached to a wrist band.

8:14 A bunch of juggalos throw a bunch of feces + beer bottles at Chris Martin

8:16 Apple announces waterproof iPods, iPhones, and iPads that u can use under the sea

8:20 Steve talks more about buzzbands, and how their music service will try to replace Pitchfork

8:30 Stevebro says that he ‘wrote the sequel’ to the Grizzly Bear song “2 weeks” called “4 weeks”

8:34 Apple tries to hype new young artist called ‘The Ella Fitzgerrrelds’. Some brooklyn-based buzzband

8:40 Apple announces local partnership with ur local guitar store, create new guitar that ‘automatically uploads’ ur songs to iTunes

8:45 Juggalo bros start throwing shit at Steve Jobs, get mad pissed at him

8:50 Steve Jobs ends up ‘topless’, juggalos rip off his shirt, expose tiny AZN build. Try to pop his implants. Go into the inventory closet and try to steal shuffles to sell for drug money.

Photo by drivenbyboredom

9:00 Juggalos ‘ruin the Apple event’, throw tons of shit on stage, murder 5 hefty tech bloggers and use their body parts in an 8-layer dip

What apple product r u most excited about?
Is PING gonna change the way we find + discover + share music?
Do yall h8 iTunes?
Do yall h8 Apple?
Should I get a Zune 2 be ‘vintage’?
Should I just get a Microsoft Kin instead of an iPhone?
Did Steve Jobs/Chris Martin/Kirsten Kennis/Feist ‘kill it’ during the Apple keynote?
Do u h8 Apple because they upgrade their products so frequently that ur old iBook is already out of date?
Should I get an Apple TV or a roku?