Tuesday, August 24, 2010

HIPSTER RUNOFF

HIPSTER RUNOFF

UNCOVERED: Present Day Photo + Old Modeling Portfolio of Vampire Weekend Cover Cougar Lady

Posted: 24 Aug 2010 12:50 PM PDT

Link: http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2010/08/vampire-weekend-slide-show-201008


Kirsten Kennis is the broad on the cover of ’s “CONTRA” who apparently didn’t agree to be on the cover. She decided to ’sue the band’ for $2 million. Anyways, she seems to have done a ‘tell all’ interview with Vanity Fair. Wonder how much they paid her.

Seems like she has a ‘nice house.’ Not sure if she really needs to sue the Vampy Weekend bros. Feel kinda bad for them.

Today, Kennis lives in a gated community in Fairfield, Connecticut, with her husband, Jeffrey; their daughter, Alex; and their dog, Zach.

Not sure if she really needs $2 million dollars in buzzband dollars. Feel like her house already looks ‘hella nice.’ Heard Fairfield is a mad expensive place 2 live, and she even lives in a gated community.

Took a look around her old modeling portfolio. Seems like she had a thriving career. She was a ‘Loreal girl.’

Rode chillwaves on the beach before ‘chillwave’ even existed.

Might have had the perfect alternative breasts before we were even born.

Chilled with tons of hot bros in high-end catalogs

‘Had a ‘totally hipster’ sense of fashion, yall’ -entry level blog looking for a ‘unique scoop’ on these pix

Gonna just go take a bath with my girl Kirsten, and use Vaseline products to lubricate our sexual organs. Not sure if they had ‘his & her’ warming gel back then.

Does Kirsten ‘look good’?
Does she seem like a ‘catch’ back in the 70s/80s?
Was she a ‘real model’ or just a ‘catalog model’?
R u feeling hornie for Kirsten?
Does Kirsten look better as a ‘young lady’ or as an ‘alt cougar’?
Is she suing for fame + money?
Do u think she could get some modeling work for the Dress Barn / Ann Taylor / Steinmart?
Is it ‘bullshit’ that she probably was ‘likely’ to have been paid for this exclusive with Vanity Fair?
Does she deserve $2 million, or can she be paid with guaranteed modeling gigs in catalogs?

American Eagle releases the official BRO HAT for all kinds of bros

Posted: 24 Aug 2010 10:31 AM PDT

Link: http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?catId=cat90026&productId=0221_1245


American Eagle is a popular mainstream genre of ‘clothes 4 tweens who are trying to look cool, and adults who are trying to stay young.’ Sorta a weird vibe with a lot of cargos, polo shirts, and overpriced shirts with animals/retro logos on them. In a really tough market with Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, and probably a bunch of other crappy stores.

N e ways, it seems like all of these mainstream brands are gonna go after the American Apparel market share since Am Appy is about to ‘go under.’ In order to go after the bro market, American Eagle (aka ), created the BRO HAT. It seems like something that is meant to appeal to bros who just want to be bros. It will really help u brand urself as a browave bro.

Might purchase it, seems like a solid ‘price point.’

What type of bro do u think this hat is for?
a) bro bros
b) altbros
c) dudebros
d) sk8rbros
e) fratbros
f) girlbros
g) dykebros
h) tweenbros
i) sportsbros
j) baseball_team_bros
k) gaybros
l) hipsterwavebros
m) legitimate Xmas gift for ur biological brother
n) cool dad bros
o) American Eagle bros who will buy anything as long as there is a sweet eagle logo on it.
p) festival bros
q) UnChill AZN bros
r) AZN bros who want to be white
s) black bros who want to be white
t) lesbians who look like hornie teenage boys
u) construction workers
v) Choose.Ur.Own.Bro

R u gonna buy this hat?
R u worried that this hat is ‘fitted’ and they might not have the right size for ur huge bro head?
Do u wear ‘baseball caps’?
Will the Bro Hat win ‘Fashion Week’ / Project Runway?
If u see some1 wearing this hat, will they be an authentic bro or a ‘poser-wave’ bro?

Will replace Am Appy in 2k11?

Alice Glass is “aggressively groped” by altbros as she crowdsurfs, drinks entire bottle of Jack on stage

Posted: 24 Aug 2010 07:23 AM PDT

Photos via Brooklyn Vegan
http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2010/08/crystal_castles_23.html
Photos by Zach Stern


Alice Glass is the lead singer of the popular 8-bit harsh wave bleepy bloop band Crystal Castles. It seems like they recently had a show, and Alice Glass, the prolific lead singer went ‘wild n out.’

Honestly feeling ’super turned-on’ by Alice Glass’s on-stage antics. Like if I could be a rock journalist, I would try to pitch an article about how ‘rock n roll is back’ and how Alice Glass is the embodiment of the modern spirit of rock n roll.

Where’d u get that bottle of Jack Daniels, Alice? What else did u request from the venue? A couple of CLIF Bars and Kashi crackers?

(Is Jack Daniels more alt than Grey Goose [via Steve Aoki]?)

Alice. R u rlly gonna drink that whole bottle? Worried abt ur liver.

Maybe she is trying 2 be more like Ke$ha [via 'brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack]

Looks like some sort of rain machine/ water hose / wet t-shirt contest technology was used during their live show.

Wish I coulda been there, having a grab, traveling back in time to the bloghouse era. Feeling ‘reborn’ with every clasp of a butt cheek/breast. Are those ‘protective leggings’ or just some goth-wave legs?

Feel like u haven’t lived til u’ve witnessed an entire Crystal Castles concert ‘in the pit’, and seen Alice Glass drink herself to death while screaming into the microphone. Feel like I really connect with her when she ends up in her classic “Alice Glass fetal position.”

When she ends up in the fetal position, it kinda reminds us that life = death. We are all kinda still just vulnerable infants, waiting to open our eyes, hoping to 1 day ‘vibe out’ 2 enlightenment. Just a scared sad buzzband singer on stage afraid of the world [via effed up on whiskey].

Have u ever seen Alice Glass ‘live’?
Is Crystal Castles the best live band in indie music?
Does Alice Glass still turn u on?
R u worried that she might have some sort of deep-seeded psychological issues, or are her ‘on-stage meltdowns’ just an act?
Is she setting a bad example for Crystal Castles’ tween fans, or is she totes rock n roll?
Did Crystal Castles come out with an album in 2k10? Get my years mixed up.

MGMT comes out of retirement, makes video abt how they died as a buzzband

Posted: 24 Aug 2010 06:02 AM PDT


Not sure why MGMT made a new music video. Had totally forgotten about their disappointing 2k10 album Congratulations, but then they went ahead and released this video for the title track of the album. Not sure what is happening in this video. Feel like

It seems like they went to their local animal shelter to adopt a dinosaur/animal, but then they ended up in a desert, and shared a death march together. Feel like the din-animal is a metaphor for MGMT and the desert represents their ‘dried up’ status as a buzzband. They are searching 4 some sort of well/oasis,but they are kinda screwed (this is a metaphor 4 album sales + critical acclaim that might never come again). Can MGMT be saved?

I guess they had extra money on their mainstream record deal, so they keep making these MTV-ready music videos, but I’m not sure if these songs will rlly appeal to the MTV ‘teen mom on the Jersey Shore’ generation. Really just confused, wishing MGMT and 2k10 would just go away 4evr.

Was MGMT’s Congratulations the most disappointing album of 2k10?
Does this music video make u sad?
Is this song ‘terrible’, or has it ‘grown on u’ after 5 months?
Has the Arcade Fire ‘won’ 2k10?
Did MGMT ‘blow their chance’ to achieve Arcade Fire status?
Should MGMT be put thru the process?
Have yall ever walked thru a desert with a creature, watching it die?
Does MGMT continue to ’strike out’?

Just found this video of a bro who ‘made his own music video’ to this song that features him walking around a local strip mall holding up quirky/inspirational quotes.

Laters
-Van Wyngart